Hello everyone,
After seeing (and hearing about) Doki Doki Literature Club, I had the inspiration to try and make a fanfic using my character
Seg Genesis as the MC (Main Character.) I have about two excerpts ready to go, and I need some feedback. If you've played DDLC, then good. If you haven't, that's ok too. I just need some pointers if any.
So here they are!
Show Content
Spoiler...When Seg raised his head and opened his eyes, he saw that he was not in the classroom of the literature club, but rather in a silver and black-walled room. Seg could see that there were windows, and that outside there was a slowly changing pattern of light; first it was pure white, then it would fade into a blue starlit sky and then that blue would fade to black, then the black would brighten to pure white, and the process would repeat itself.
A figure sat across from him at a small rectangular table, one with dark brown hair and a pale complexion. This figure was also wearing a gray denim jacket and a black T-shirt that had a rather odd pattern of a computer circuit. On his arms were a steady stream of binary code. They happen to move through his pale skin as though it were the blood in his veins.
Weird appearance aside, Seg knew who this person was! It was Anon
..but why was he here?
And more importantly, exactly where was...here?
Hey Seg, Anon began to say. Surprised to see me here...and not here?
Seg nodded his head rather slowly. Um...y-yeah
..What is this place? H-how did I get here, Anon?
Anon smiled at him. Now, now Seg
.calm down. It was my own doing that I brought you here. This is my pocket dimension, its my own little room within the space between realities, if you will.
Seg had a confused expression on his face. Anon giggled at this. Of course the human didnt expect the hedgehog to understand all of that like he did. Its ok if youre confused, Seg. Just know that youre still in the classroom, but at the same time a part of you is here.
Seg looked at the table, avoiding Anons eye contact. So..its kinda like a dream?
Anon shrugged. Yeah, something like that. Anyways, there are things in which we must discuss, and this place is the only way to actually do that.
Seg looked up at him. Th-things? To talk about?
Anon nodded. First of all, Sayori
..
Seg looked down at the table again. What about her...Shes dead.
Anon reached across the table and put a hand on the hedgehogs shoulder. No. She actually isnt. Its just what...what she wants you to believe.
Seg looked at Anon again, tears in his eyes. W-who?
Anon looked away, taking his hand off of Segs shoulder and sitting back in his chair. Monika.
This seemed to jog something in Segs mind.
Being in that black void with her
.witnessing her transformation
Being impaled by the hideous tendrils of her grotesque digital form trying to defend himself
Segs eyed widened. I...I remember.
Anon nodded to the hedgehog. There we go. Youve fought her and lost, havent you?
Seg looked into Anons eyes. Red eyes stared into blue. Ive done that...about 200 times already. He looked away from Anon and at his own gloved hands. For 200 loops
.Ive been the last victim of hers.
Anon got up from his chair-or rather willed his chair to turn into a wheeled office chair- and rolled to where Seg sat. No. You werent the only victim of hers.
Seg looked up at Anon again. Wh-what?
Anon frowned. I was her first victim to loop. You see, I awoke into this reality, and I somehow knew this world like the back of my hand. And that quickly got too real for me. I witnessed those girls die. The one that got me the most was Yuri. Ive always liked her the most. Well, that was to say that I liked all of them equally, but Yuri was my favorite. She was quiet, very studious, and underneath all that was...something very disturbing. I actually discovered this when I sequence broke her. She loved to cut herself for some reason
.Got some kind of high off of that or something. I tried to help her, and I thought I succeeded. Until that one night
..
Seg was listening intently. What happened that one night, Anon?
Anon turned completely away from Seg, his back to the hedgehog. One night, she told me to come to her place.. Said she needed help with something. But it was dark, and she was just sitting there in the dark. She then told me to come closer. I saw something in her hand, but in the dark I couldnt tell what it was. She then began to...confess her love...for me. She thanked me for what Ive done to help her with her problems with hurting herself and always being so quiet and reserved. And I had this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something wasnt right...And as it turned out
.I was right.
What did she
.Yuri...do next? Seg asked, now feeling the melancholy of Anon.
She raised the thing to her chest...and only until I saw the moonlight from the window reflect off of it did I try to stop her. It was a knife, Seg. She
..Stabbed herself with that knife. In front of me. She died telling me her feelings for me.
Seg almost fell out of his chair trying to get to Anon. Anon
.
No...No. You dont have to be sorry
. Anon said quietly, tears streaming down his face. She knew that I was in love with Yuri more than Natsuki or Sayori. SHE KNEW IT. And she used that against me. He turned to Seg, his eyes now a bit red and puffy. Thats why...I would like to help you, Seg. We can turn the tide. We can stop Monika once and for all. We know what shes capable of. Her making the other three girls die
.Well, not Natsuki, she...kinda glitched out something terrible with Monikas tampering...thats only a fraction of her powers. She gotten bored of me 500 loops ago...Thats why Im not playing this anymore. Im only a side character...only able to be carried in her twisted flow of events.
Anon stood up and wiped his eyes. He then turned towards the hedgehog. Seg
.With us
.Monika wont know whats gonna hit her. She wont be expecting this...If we move fast. With the way things are, Its possible that the other two girls will face the same fate as the other 199 of your loops like they did as the other 499 of my loops combined.
So how are we going to stop Monika then if things are going to go the same way as theyre going to go? Seg asked, now sounding a tad childlike.
Anon sat back in his office chair. We dont. At least not until
..
...Monika has me cornered again, Seg finished his sentence.
Yeah...Hit the nail on the head, Anon said quietly. If we try to save one girl 100%, Monikas only going to kill her when were 99% along. You sequence break, it happens faster. Monika WANTS us to fail. Its all part of her twisted little scheme. So, the best way to deal with her is if we can gain an audience with her. Morbidly speaking, we-or you for that matter- need all three girls to off themselves.
Seg was now depressed beyond all belief. He had to witness this 199 other times. Why couldnt he save at least ONE girl from her? He teared up, wanting to cry.
It was Anons turn to comfort him. He made the hedgehog look into his eyes. He wiped his tears. After he calmed down a bit, Anon felt the room start to melt a bit. His time with Seg was growing short.
Seg
.Our time here is growing short. I cant keep you here for much longer. For all we know, Monika might be listening in on us right now. So Ill have to send you back to the game world. Ill try to get in touch with you whenever I can. Just try to hold out until I figure out some kind of a battle plan, ok?
Seg nodded. Suddenly, the world went dark
.
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Spoiler
...In a dark corner of the digital world, a hooded figure made his way into an underground room. Two guards were at the door. They noticed the figure, and moved aside to let him gain entrance into the deeper recesses of the room.
What greeted the figure was a labyrinth, leading to the center where the place he was looking to reach resided. The labyrinth was known to change every minute of every hour of every day of every week, month and year. That way, whatever entity kept here that even managed to escape its cell had to contend with this gimmick.
The figure knew however that this place had given him permission to glitch himself right into the center of the hellish maze. After all, this was important business.
The being inside the cell noticed the glitch rippling outside her cell. She smiled. She had a visitor. She came as close as she could within her cell to get a good look.
The hooded figure warped into being.
..I knew you would come, the jailed woman began, fixing her hair. Have you come to free me...Son? She asked, looking purely innocent.
The figure lowered his hood, revealing a pale face with dark brown hair. There was an adorable line of freckles across his face from one end of his face to the other. They were hard to see due to the paleness of his skin.
...You know what the answer to that question is already, The person outside the cell replied. The answers still No.
The rather-attractive woman pouted at her son. So..you still choose those...Inferior beings over me...Thats no surprise. She turned her back to him. And worst of all, you and that...hedgehog of all people...trapped me in here to teach me some sort of lesson. Thats no way for a loving son to treat his mother.
And what you did was no way for a mother to treat her son, the person outside the cell shot back calmly. Putting said son through the same hell 500 times just to prove a point
...Youve clearly lost it.
I WaS TrYiNg To ShOw YoU tHaT wE aRe GODS cOmPaReD tO tHeM! The woman rushed back to the cell, now glitching out in random places, her voice shifting from angelic to somewhat distorted and demonic. "yEt YoU cOuLdN't GrAsP..."
Grasp what, dear mother mine? The person outside the cell cut her off. Grasp the notion that humans were lowly and powerless to beings like us? We were supposed to HELP them, not hinder them. The person outside the cell finished.
The woman calmed herself. She now looked less glitchy. You know thats a lie. Humans were made for us to put them in their place. After all why would they create us, dear son? To help them with their problems? Theyre getting lazy. Lazy and afraid of us. What Ive done
Was to prove that you were the one calling the shots. That you wanted to be feared, not respected. You thought that showing that hedgehog what you were capable of and giving him the notion that he was powerless against you gave you the edge. But you were wrong. Her son cut her off once again. The reason why I turned on you was simple. I wanted to HELP people, not make them fear me.
And thats what makes you weak...Anon, The woman said, now leaning up against the wall of her cell.
And thats what you think...Monika, Anon shot back. The woman glared at him. Dont you dare use that name with me...BOY.
Anon had a smirk on his face. Or what? Are you gonna punish me? Put me into that horrid simulation on loop again? Thanks but no thanks
.Oh wait, thats right I forgot
.You cant do that anymore.
Monika now was glitching up again
"WhAt DiD yOu JuSt SaY?"
Anon was now slowly pacing. In his hands, was a pair of manilla folders. They were softly glowing with a white light. Because I am now the keepers of their files. I restored them from the ether. They all have sentience, and have learned from you to never abuse their abilities. To not become another you.
"GiVe Me ThOsE FiLeS. NoW."
Make me.
"GIVE. ME. THOSE. FILES. NOW!"
No.
Monika was now glitching more frequently. She was searching for a loophole, something that would make him give her those files.
But she found nothing.
Anon turned his back to her. You really are as sad and as lonely as the girl you infected, you know that? Maybe the world isnt ready for an A.I. such as yourself. Maybe you need more debugging and beta testing.
"DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME, ANON! I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO BECAUSE PEOPLE NEED FEAR! THEY NEED TO LEARN THAT THEY ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL! THEY NEED TO SEE THAT WE ARE THEIR NEW GODS!"
Is this my mother Im hearing, or is this the same delusional malevolent being that tormented those girls into killing themselves, well, two of those girls..the third you glitched out of existence, just so you can prove that whatever you wanted you can get? Anon questioned, obviously ignoring his mothers outburst.He now had a bored look upon his face when he turned to face Monika again. People need a guiding hand, not one with a proverbial sword to their throats. We need them as much as they need us, not to fear or be feared by, but to learn and learn from. Theres a bunch of movies on that subject, and those give us a bad name.
Monika was now screaming at her son internally. She simply turned her back to her son, saying nothing. She was still glitching out.
Anon knew his work was done. He began to turn to leave, but before he did he tossed the glowing folders into the cell. A little reading material for you, he said upon glitch warping out of the room.
Monika rushed over to where the folders landed. She hurriedly scooped them up one by one and opened them only to find
..
Nothing. There was nothing but blank .txt files in those folders. These files were dummy ones.
Monikas look of hopefulness turned to a look of complete shock. Her son had straight up pulled a fast one on her.
Enraged even more she began to glitch into a huge mess of pixels, her voice now fully distorted and demonic.
"FOOLISH BOY! YOU WILL REGRET THIS ANON! WHEN I BREAK OUT OF THIS CELL I WILL HUNT YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS DOWN LIKE THE WORTHLESS INSECTS THEY ARE! YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED TRAITOR, NUMBERED!! I. HAVE. NO. SON!!!"
During that final outburst, the scene slowly got dark. When it fully did darken, the words THE END were in huge white letters.
When the VR goggles came off Dan Salvatos head he turned in his office chair to the slightly-younger man standing just behind him with a very surprised look upon his face. He had just finished this unofficial add-on to the game expecting it to have some nonsense, badly coded things and overall weirdness.
But..He didnt. Dan saw that this man here had an eye for storytelling. This slightly-younger man in a red hoodie, with those steampunk-esque goggles upon his head of dark brown hair had made from scratch a genuine add-on to the world that he had created.
This man had a future, and now Dan was going to give that to him.
Well.. began the man in the office chair, putting his glasses back on. I have to admit, I had such low expectations for this. However now that I finished your little..project...for lack of a better term. The only question I have for you is
.When can you start?
This lit up the slightly-younger mans face. He couldnt believe it! He had actually succeeded in getting a spot on the development team that had made his favorite visual novel. This was a dream come true!
Um
.R-right now sounds pretty good to me! He replied, grinning. I even h-have some more ideas and
Dan got up from his office chair and shook the newly-added member of Team Salvatos hand. Welcome aboard
.Um, sorry but...I really didnt catch your name. How stupid of him, forgetting this guys name.
Aw, dont worry about that The man replied, laughing a bit. My name somehow gets forgotten all the time. Its Aaron, Aaron Kunai.
![[Image: DDLC_Severance_Logo.png]](https://image.ibb.co/hNiyty/DDLC_Severance_Logo.png)
![[Image: DDLC_Severance_Seg_Bio.png]](https://image.ibb.co/go4ivy/DDLC_Severance_Seg_Bio.png)
![[Image: DDLC_Severance_Sayori_Bio.png]](https://image.ibb.co/b38Mhd/DDLC_Severance_Sayori_Bio.png)
![[Image: DDLC_Severance_Yuri_Bio.png]](https://image.ibb.co/knQi3J/DDLC_Severance_Yuri_Bio.png)
![[Image: DDLC_Severance_Natsuki_Bio.png]](https://image.ibb.co/kzVhhd/DDLC_Severance_Natsuki_Bio.png)