Heart and the Black-hole

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Heart and the Black-hole
Tweet Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 10:38 PM (159 Views)
Sonikku-Chan	Jan 14 2014, 10:38 PM Post #1
Character Select Posts: 15 Group: E+ Rank Adventurer Member #13,776 Joined: January 14, 2014 Gender: Female	This is my first short story. I wanted to do this after the Sonic Adventure 2 discussion. I said that Sonic should have helped Shadow in that game and this is how I think it would go. Please help me and tell me if the characters are acting okay. Sonic is my favorite character because of his heart. Shadow: (determind) Chaos Blast! (A bolt of Chaos Energy went through the hallway of the ark tearing a section as it continued to fall down and break. The Ark was 50 years old and was wearing out, and the black and blue hedgehogs tearing it up was not making it better) Shadow: (shouts in anger) Give up! Sonic: (dodging attacks) Never! I never give up, but we need to stop this senseless violence... now! The ark is falling to the Earth...! (Shadow did not listen as he continued to do his chaos attacks on his opponent. Sonic tried his hardest to dodge the attacks but each bolt of energy was getting more accurate making it hard for the blue hero to escape. At the sametime, he knew that all the time he is spending fighting the black hedgehog, it meant more time for Dr Eggman to fire the Eclipse Canon) Sonic: (thinking) If I dont stop this fight, the world will be destroyed. Im going to have to knock some sense into him... that faker.... (He knew that the only way to knock sense into Shadow was to beat him. Sonic unleashed his best move, the homing attack, an attack strong enough to break metal walls. He buzzed through the air like a light ball heading straight for Shadow. The attack hit him in the head making the ultimate lifeform fall to the ground and doubled over in a daze. He unable to continue the fight) Sonic: (walks carefully toward the hurting hedgehog) Shadow....? (Shadow was trying his best to get up. Being beat by a normal hedgehog in his veiw was embarrasing. But the homing attack to his head really did him in. He cant deny that his opponent was one tough cookie, almost as tough as him! As he almost went to his feet, he notice his opponent was walking slowly toward him with a look of concern) Shadow: (yells) Dont come any closer! You may have won, but Im still the ultimate! Sonic: Shadow, I do not want to fight with you. I dont know what is with you but I am on my own mission and its to stop Eggman from firing the Eclipse Cannon.... Shadow: (crosses his arms) Its too late. Once the doctor sets off the canon your world is doomed. Its no use. Theres no hope for your friends now.... (When Shadow said those world, Sonic became even more determind to stop that canon from firing. He couldnt... his friends and the world he care about so much... being destroyed. From his expression, he knew that Shadow was dead serious but if there was only a way to talk some sense into him...) Sonic: Shadow... are you saying that you want the world to be destroyed? Shadow: (sarcastic) No I should reward them for what they did to my friend... to the ark 50 years ago Sonic: (thinking) What does he mean? Its is personal? I need to get to the bottom of this before the world blows to peices! (suprised) What do you mean? Look, destroying the world isnt going to be your friend back. Its only going to make things worse than they are and you will never be fully content. Dont you understand?! Shadow: (shouts) You know NOTHING, blue hedgehog! Maria was my only friend. We talked about visiting the planet together and the people from your world came in and took everyone on the ark away. All she wanted was to visit your world but that didnt happen and wont ever happen.... (As Shadow was going on a rant, the blue hedgehog decided to move closer to him to try to talk sense into him. He understood what he was thinking but knew that it was the wrong thing to do) Sonic: But Shadow, how can you blame the world for something a few soilders did? Let alone something that happened 50 years ago. What happened happened. (puts his hands on Shadows shoulders, shouting) Its just wrong! Its not fair! (Shadow got more angry as Sonic kept pleading with him to stop. Plus being touched was not really up his ally. With all the toughts about revenge clouding his mind, he raised his fist and without thinking twice, he punched the blue hedgehog in the arm. The force was so great, it sent him sliding whithen 160cm from where Shadow was standing) Shadow: (crosses his arms) Hmph! Well, I made a promise to Maria and Im keeping it! (Sonic was trying his hardest to get himself off the ground, but the force to his arm was too great as he had hard time trying to get up. But he couldnt give up trying to help Shadow. He still tried to speak to him even though he was still on the ground) Sonic: (weak voice from being winded) Sh-Shadow.... you are right, there ARE bad people in this world. But... most people are good and you would see that if you.... got to know them... ju-just like Maria wanted to. Shadow, please, you have to help them. .... Maria would... w-want you to help them.... and... helping them... is a good thing. We have all have danced in f-fire but you have to help.... (When he heard those words, something triggered in Shadows mind... a memory of his only friend in distress. Not only that but what she really wanted Shadow to promise) Shadow... promise me that.... you will help the people... and be their friend. Those people need you, to help them be at peace and be happy. Thats why you were created Shadow, to help them. To understand them and to make the world a better place... (When those words echoed in his mind, Shadow began to shed a few tears. Sonic was right.... about Marias promise. And he made the black hedgehog realize that. His words... and distress made him rethink his actions. Shadow walked over to the blue hedgehog with a smile and reached out his hand) Shadow: Come on! I have to keep my promise to Maria... and you. the end Edited by Sonikku-Chan, Jan 14 2014, 10:39 PM.



Ludichaos	Jan 18 2014, 07:28 AM Post #2
[Outrealm Vagabond] Posts: 4,994 Group: C Rank Legend Member #11,272 Joined: July 25, 2010	Not bad. Characters were mostly in line with what I expect, given a few deviations here or there. For example, Shadow does not strike me as the type to use sarcasm. He's earnest and to the point. Anything he says, he means. Sarcasm doesn't suit him at all. The punch that Sonic took probably wouldn't have winded him if he got hit in the arm, I'd imagine. Unless he slammed against something on the way down from the aftershock? Still, one heck of a punch. But I guess you could argue that Shadow would have that kind of strength. Personal niggle in that it's a fairly typical "friendship saves the day" scenario, with Shadow being swayed by Sonic's words, but since that was the whole point of the story I'm willing to let it slide~ Other than that, a handful of spelling/grammatical errors scattered throughout, but otherwise fine. Some might argue that script style isn't the best, but I like that it at least gives a very clear idea of how a line should be read. It's a lot better than guessing. All in all, very good for your first story, Sonikku-chan. Thanks for sharing it. Interested in keeping an eye on your progress if you decide to keep at this hobby.
	【One third of Sonic Blast's Legendary Australian Trio. The last remaining member 】


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