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| Sonamy Forever; When Sonic accepts to go on a date with Amy,he starts to develop feelings for her. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 17 2012, 04:59 PM (320 Views) | |
| Artix | Jul 17 2012, 04:59 PM Post #1 |
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 ![:]](http://z1.ifrm.com/7050/0/0/e5009255/e5009255.gif)   Chapter 1:The Set-up It was a day like any other.Sonic The Hedgehog was relaxing on a bench listening to the song "Live&Learn".As he was moving his head to the beat,he heard someone say his name.He opened his eyes and saw Amy Rose standing in front of him."What's up,Ames?"he asked.Amy blushed when he called her "Ames".It made her feel like he cares enough to give her a pet name. "I was wondering...if you weren't busy tonight...would you like to go on a date?"she asked.Sonic had been asked this a million times,but he always ran away.He could tell that there was no escape,so he stood up,looked her in the eyes, and said,"I say...yes..."When Amy heard this,she was jumping around with tears in her eyes.She says,"Pick me up at 8!See ya!"while she runs away happily. _______________________________________ What do ya think?!That's it for Ch.1!  Chapter 2 is coming later today...
Edited by Artix, Jul 18 2012, 03:30 AM.
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| I'm the artist that's WAY PAST COOL!I'm Artix The Hedgehog!!! | |
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| Clementine | Jul 18 2012, 03:37 AM Post #2 |
Yep.
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No offense, but that was WAYYY too rushed. Amy is standing in front of Sonic asking him for a date. He can simply stand up, run away, trick her, refuse, make up a lie, ANYTHING. Sonic's "Sure why not" towards the date question sounded as if he truly wanted it. And that's not right. Also, you gotta work on the length. It's not satisfying. It lasted a one minute for me to read this. I want something that takes me 15-30 minutes at least. A fan fiction that is actually worked on well. That takes long time. We aren't rushed for those, we can wait because the longer, the better, no matter how much time it takes. Try to keep that in mind. But then again, if you are trying to make two chapters at a one day, i doubt you will really pay attention to that length thing. Unless you'll change the schedule, dunno. |
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| Josh the hedgehog | Jul 18 2012, 03:48 AM Post #3 |
Those who do good, do...
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max, I want to point out that sonic did ALL those things you said, so sonic probably decided to do something new |
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Betrayal is a dangerous thing... "In my world...It's kill or be killed..." -Josh "Better run, coward..."-Sinistar | |
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| Clementine | Jul 18 2012, 04:02 AM Post #4 |
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Yep.
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Sonic done all of those things but he ran away multiple times without problem, it's no problem for him to choose to date Amy and eventually fall for what the author has for him or just simply once more running away successfully and living a free life again. |
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| Josh the hedgehog | Jul 18 2012, 04:48 AM Post #5 |
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Those who do good, do...
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have you forgotten the ending of sonic and the black knight? sonic explains to amy why he was late for their DATE, so maybe refer to games next time |
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Betrayal is a dangerous thing... "In my world...It's kill or be killed..." -Josh "Better run, coward..."-Sinistar | |
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| Artix | Jul 18 2012, 01:08 PM Post #6 |
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Thank you,Josh... |
| I'm the artist that's WAY PAST COOL!I'm Artix The Hedgehog!!! | |
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| Monaco | Jul 18 2012, 01:24 PM Post #7 |
 
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Good story! Can't wait to see chapter 2! |
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| Artix | Jul 18 2012, 03:15 PM Post #8 |
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Ch.2 is delayed til tomarrow... |
| I'm the artist that's WAY PAST COOL!I'm Artix The Hedgehog!!! | |
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| Nekochii | Jul 21 2012, 11:00 PM Post #9 |
KiLLER LADY
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no offense, but i dont like sonamy that much, and your chapters are way too short. But you should keep going. but seriously, im only 13 and my chapters are, like, 10x bigger than that. just keep working at it
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"Shall I Attach A Collar To You? I Wonder If Leashing You Makes You A Little Tamer." Nekochii | |
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| Artix | Aug 7 2012, 10:46 PM Post #10 |
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Chapter 2:Taking Amy to Twinkle Park ________________________________________________________________ Sonic arrived at Amy's house.I'm not sure if I can do this,he thought.He knocks on the door and his mouth drops open when he sees Amy.She's in a very erotic dress,which makes his nose bleed."Uh...Sonic?!"she says as she notices the blood onhis face.His face blushes madly&he turns away from her."I-I'm sooo sorry!"he says,"I didn't mean to seem perverted!"She blushes as she says,"I-I don't mind!I like your reaction,Sonikku!" He picks her up&runs at supersonic speed.After he stops,she asks,"Where are we?"he has a cocky smile on his face."A place you've always wanted to go..."he says as he points at the sign.It says:Twinkle Park.Another sign says:Cut couples get in free!"OOOOHHHH!Sonikku!You're sooo romantic!!!"she says blushing.He grabs her hand,they both blush,&they walk into the park. ________________________________________________________________ That's it for Chapter 2! |
| I'm the artist that's WAY PAST COOL!I'm Artix The Hedgehog!!! | |
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| Josh the hedgehog | Aug 7 2012, 11:02 PM Post #11 |
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Those who do good, do...
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pretty funny with the nose bleed, and I don't want to be rude but you mispelled cute. overall, it's starting to get good Edited by Josh the hedgehog, Aug 7 2012, 11:03 PM.
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Betrayal is a dangerous thing... "In my world...It's kill or be killed..." -Josh "Better run, coward..."-Sinistar | |
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| Clementine | Aug 8 2012, 04:10 AM Post #12 |
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Yep.
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Still no improvement to the length, which bothers me. I don't like being stay tuned for a 1 minute worth of reading, man. Come on. |
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| Artix | Sep 15 2012, 07:29 AM Post #13 |
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I'm back...so... 1.I noticed the misspelling...typo... 2.Max!!!I get it...deal with it... |
| I'm the artist that's WAY PAST COOL!I'm Artix The Hedgehog!!! | |
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| Josh the hedgehog | Sep 15 2012, 08:02 AM Post #14 |
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Those who do good, do...
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I'm hoping to see the next one... |
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Betrayal is a dangerous thing... "In my world...It's kill or be killed..." -Josh "Better run, coward..."-Sinistar | |
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| Nekochii | Sep 18 2012, 07:14 PM Post #15 |
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KiLLER LADY
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I agree with Max. It's still way too short. If you want more people to like your FanFics, you need to make them longer and not so rushed. |
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"Shall I Attach A Collar To You? I Wonder If Leashing You Makes You A Little Tamer." Nekochii | |
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