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Couple Finally Reveals Child's Gender...
Topic Started: Jan 22 2012, 01:20 PM (465 Views)
SuperShadowgal
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Article: http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/couple-finally-reveals-childs-gender-five-years-birth-180300388.html

Couple Finally Reveals Child's Gender, Five Years After Birth

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It's a boy! And he's five. Beck Laxton, 46, and partner Kieran Cooper, 44, have spent half the decade concealing the gender of their son, Sasha.

"I wanted to avoid all that stereotyping," Laxton said in an interview with the Cambridge News. "Stereotypes seem fundamentally stupid. Why would you want to slot people into boxes?"

Laxton, a UK-based web editor, and her partner, Cooper, decided to keep Sasha's sex a secret when he was still in the womb. The birth announcement stated the gender-neutral name of their child, but skipped the big reveal. Up until recently, the couple only told a few close friends and family members that Sasha was a boy and managed to keep the rest of the world in the dark. But now that he's starting school the secret's out.

For years, Becks has been referring to her child, the youngest of three, as "the infant" on her personal blog. But guarding the public from her son's gender was only part of her quest to let her kid just be a kid.

Sasha dresses in clothes he likes -- be it a hand-me-downs from his sister or his brother. The big no-no's are hyper-masculine outfits like skull-print shirts and cargo pants. In one photo, sent to friends and family, Sasha's dressed in a shiny pink girl's swimsuit. "Children like sparkly things," says Beck. "And if someone thought Sasha was a girl because he was wearing a pink swimming costume, then what effect would that have? "

Sasha's also not short on dolls, though Barbie is also off limits. "She's banned because she's horrible," Laxton says in the Cambridge interview.

On a macro level she hopes her son sets an example for other parents and makes them reconsider buying their own sons trucks or forcing their daughters into tights. She's seen how those consumer trappings affect how and who kids play with in the sandbox.

But the sandbox is just a precursor to the classroom. When Sasha turned five and headed to school, Laxton was forced to make her son's sex public. That meant Sasha would have to get used to being a boy in the eyes of his peers. Still, his mom is intervening. While the school requires different uniforms for boys and girls, Sasha wears a girl's blouse with his pants.

"I don't think I'd do it if I thought it was going to make him unhappy, but at the moment he's not really bothered either way. We haven't had any difficult scenarios yet."

Last year another couple, Kathy Witterick, 38, and David Stocker, 39, of Toronto made a similar decision when they had their baby, Storm. At the time, certain psychiatric experts voiced concern over their decision. "To have a sense of self and personal identity is a critical part of normal healthy development," Dr. Eugene Beresin, director of training in child and adolescent psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital, told ABC News. "This blocks that and sets the child up for bullying, scapegoating and marginalization."

But as parents well know, bullying is hard for any child to avoid. It's more important to raise someone who's confident enough in himself to overcome peer pressure. It's also important to have his parents have his back (remember the mom who defended her son's choice in a Halloween costume?) Maybe Sasha's early years will be character building, maybe he'll have a higher emotional quotient being raised with dual perspectives on gender. Or the reverse could be true: Sasha may have less of a formed identity because of his upbringing, and feel angry at his mom for dressing him in flowery shirts and telling the world about it. Then again, maybe he'll get over it.

As for Laxton, she says she's open to her son pursing any career or sexual preference he chooses as he matures. "As long as he has good relationships and good friends," she says, "then nothing else matters, does it?"


Found this while surfing another forum.
I have no problems with parents raising their kids how they want, or people wanting to break "gender roles" or stereotypes, but I can't help but shake my head when reading this article.

A lot of people seem to have the same feelings, but it does not truly seem like the kid has tons of choices to be honest. He is still being 'forced' to pick certain things, because if it's too "hyper masculine" or vice versa it's the wrong thing to wear or play with. I mean, I'm sure he has choices, but they're constrained by his parents views on gender stereotypes.

Your thoughts?
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KogaHarine
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People like that really piss me off. That child is going to go through hell as he ages. And I can easily see him hating his parents for this. Kids are cruel and they will make fun of him and probably pick on him constantly. His friend base is probably going to be small since the majority of the students will probably think he's weird and just won't want to hang out with him. His parents should honestly both be smacked upside their heads for this. If they wanted him to just be a kid then they should let him do what he wants without influencing a stupid gender-neutral mentality upon him (and yes it is a forced situation because they don't seem to want to let the kid do what he wants and find things out on his own or even to choose what he likes). From his upbringing he will probably have to learn a sense of individuality and hopefully if he's able to break away from his parent's teachings then he may have a hope for his future.
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Pedruben
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Raimu Bito
Jan 22 2012, 01:34 PM
If they wanted him to just be a kid then they should let him do what he wants without influencing a stupid gender-neutral mentality upon him (and yes it is a forced situation because they don't seem to want to let the kid do what he wants and find things out on his own or even to choose what he likes).
This. Those parents are so hypocritical.

"I want my kids to grow up without letting society influence there choices, but they can't wear hyper-masculine outfits cloth because that's my rule."

That how I see the parents are raising the kid. I admire peer pressure can terrible, but that what shapes people so they can interact with other people.

Finally I think the worst is that this a women that his mad about something and its using her soon to send a message. With will affect her son in ways no one knows.
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Lord Tora Unlimited Crusader
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I think the 'psychiatric experts' are right on this one. Gender is one of the major defining factors of determining a person's self-identity. Being neutral is okay, don't get me wrong, but having it forced upon you from a young age is sure to have some severe consequences in psychological development.

And abosolutely it's gonna set the poor kid up for bullying! Yes, we know practically all kids are bullied at some point in their school lives and that it's pretty much unavoidable! So why in blazes would you make it easier for bullies to target your child? Why would you willingly create a 'vulnerability' (for want of a better word) for bullies to pounce on?

And this is why extremists should not be allowed to breed. *shrugs and shakes his head, a la Edgeworth* Fancy using your child as a tool, a signboard for your 'cause', instead of just letting them be a kid like everyone else.
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Brick Mage
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I'll be there every step of the way...
I saw this article a yesterday,
And I was thinking...
"Please tell me normal people don't think this way."

I'm glad to see my sentiment is shared.
Forced gender roles are stupid;
But creating a new forced neutral role to fix it is just as stupid, if not a million times more stupid.
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Breezy
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We all make choices. But in the end, our choices make us
Boys will be boys and girls will be girls. They can't help that.

I agree with everyone else. It is pretty wrong to try to form and shape your kid into what you want. I think once they get older they can decide whether or not they choose to be feminine or masculine.

I hardly think that the popularity of the child should be something to worry about. Instead of something shallow, like how many friends he'll have, I think its more important to think about his self identity and if this kind of treatment will leave long lasting mental issues once he gets older.
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Fwiss
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I still think overprotective parents are marginally worse. He might get bullied, but I know a few kids raised in ways that would seem unorthodox and even traumatizing, but they're pretty cool. That isn't to say he'll be like one of those people, or even saying that those people are completely like everyone else. Anyway, there's a good chance he'll act cool at higher ages, and SOME of us would like to see how this experiment goes, though he's more than just an experiment.
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KogaHarine
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Breezy
Jan 22 2012, 03:27 PM
I think once they get older they can decide whether or not they choose to be feminine or masculine.
THIS! Hell I'm a pretty prime example of this if I do say so myself. Even my friends have told me that I have more feminine qualities than I do masculine. Which is not a bad thing.

Having qualities of the opposite gender can be beneficial (especially in relationships and friendships) just like it can be harmful (the bully situation which eventually goes away once you get out into the real world where most people don't care what your gender identity is because they have more important things to worry about than trivial high school bullshit).

It's all a matter of choosing who you want to be and how you want to shape your life. No one should ever force you to be something that you don't want to be. Your choices define who you are, what you will become, how successful you will be in life, and basically every aspect of your life is controlled by your choices.
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Lady BlizShadow
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I still can't use this.

It's kind of sad that some of the responses to this article here and abroad are "he'll be bullied if they raise him this way!" It just smacks of blaming the victim (or in this case the parents), which is a symptom of the sad, sad way we view bullying in this country- that bullies will be bullies, and that if you're "normal" they won't bother you at all.

That was all I had to add to the topic. I agree with what everyone's said about the mom.
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KogaHarine
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BlizShadow
Jan 22 2012, 06:00 PM
It's kind of sad that some of the responses to this article here and abroad are "he'll be bullied if they raise him this way!" It just smacks of blaming the victim (or in this case the parents), which is a symptom of the sad, sad way we view bullying in this country- that bullies will be bullies, and that if you're "normal" they won't bother you at all.
Everyone gets bullied regardless of how "normal" they are. Some however get bullied more than others and it's because they are an easier target. This kid is more likely to have more vulnerabilities than the Playstation Network did before Anonymous attacked them. And it doesn't help that kids are cruel to peers who are different (or rather just cruel in general). It's a fact of society these days.
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Lady BlizShadow
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I still can't use this.

But the way to deal with bullying is not to curb abnormal behavior in children and teens if it is harmless to themselves and those around them, but rather to make a point at directly disciplining the bullies themselves. If this kid were to be bullied for wearing a jester outfit to some gathering, you don't snatch that away from him and tell him he can't wear it because some little shits will make fun of him. You deal with the little shits. I can't think of any crime of assault where the actual perpetrators are tolerated by society like this... well, I can, but that's a whole other can of worms.
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KogaHarine
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BlizShadow
Jan 22 2012, 06:16 PM
But the way to deal with bullying is not to curb abnormal behavior in children and teens if it is harmless to themselves and those around them, but rather to make a point at directly disciplining the bullies themselves. If this kid were to be bullied for wearing a jester outfit to some gathering, you don't snatch that away from him and tell him he can't wear it because some little shits will make fun of him. You deal with the little shits. I can't think of any crime of assault where the actual perpetrators are tolerated by society like this... well, I can, but that's a whole other can of worms.
True. However it should be up to the kid what he wears and doesn't wear. If he wears a jester outfit to a gathering that should be his decision not his parents. His parents basically control what he wears (and in my opinion wearing both gender's school uniform is just outright silly and will definitely laughed at. However if it is his choice then that's on him) and basically what he does to the point of him having no individuality. It's okay to influence your kids decisions but it's not okay to make their decisions. That's my main issue is that he practically is stripped of his identity and will have trouble later on because of it.

Personally I am all for making sure bullies get disciplined (Considering I myself was bullied as a kid. And it had nothing to do with my clothes. It was merely that I didn't have that many friends so I became an easy target. Bullies always go for the easiest target...) However Bullying isn't the main issue here. The main issue is the lack of choice that this kid has since his parents basically decide everything for him. And who knows it may work for him or it will harm him. The likelihood of either will be dependent on the mentality of his peers.
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Lady BlizShadow
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I still can't use this.

Well, I agree with all of that. I was moreso making an aside about a few comments about bullying I'd seen in relation to the issue here.
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KogaHarine
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BlizShadow
Jan 22 2012, 07:08 PM
Well, I agree with all of that. I was moreso making an aside about a few comments about bullying I'd seen in relation to the issue here.
I figured that might be the case. But I wanted to elaborate just a little bit just to be sure my points were getting across.
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Eren Jaeger
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It's a boy...?

... Named Sasha?

... Sounds legit?
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