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Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy [film]; Dear God
Topic Started: Jan 7 2012, 01:22 AM (293 Views)
Lord Bowie Jan 7 2012, 01:22 AM Post #1
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What is the difference between a duck?

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Who am I? Why am I here?

I've got an awful headache and I can't stop yawning.. I don't understand why, I was chipper and happy up until going to the movies today. Let me warn all of you now, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is not the type of movie anyone could find enjoyable (I don't understand how it's getting near four stars let alone one at all) it wasn't even a movie, it was a lullaby in picture form, the only problem being the nagging headache it has given me.. it can't even put me to sleep properly.

No this movie wasn't good at all, in fact, it could be summed up in its introduction scene.. which I would describe as lasting from somewhere between a lifetime and forever.. "I know why this film is 2 hours and 4 minutes.. the first hour and 4 are the intro".. Let me start off by saying that this was boring, it was boring manifested into a physical presence.. and I'm a flexible moviegoer that enjoys all sorts of things in film and I like slower movies when they are deep and make you think.. this movie was just too slow and shallow and painful to watch.. I was inhibited from thinking.

Hold on, gotta take this asprin real quick...

...

.....

Okay back on track. This is a movie that stayed relatively flat from start to finish which is okay for some films, the problem being that this "movie" started from zero to begin with and maybe once or twice put a little pressure on the gas pedal only to instantly take the foot off before actually moving in any relative direction.. You feel like the movie is trying to build somewhere but the floor under it keeps sinking, so it is perpetually building into the same exact feeling throughout the duration, it really builds nowhere. There is no real suspense, no real surprise, no real character building.. It's absolute trash, so much so I am yawning twice a minute thinking about it, clutching my head in pain, and going just about nowhere myself.

How does a great cast consisting of Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, John Hurt, Benedict Cumberbatch, and Toby Jones (who have all been great in other work) among others.. result in complete nothingness... I mean.. Hurt and Jones are two of my favorite British actors and I got nothing out of either, and I'm and Oldman fan since I first saw him in The Professional.... The director and screenwriters were horrid and got nothing out of a great cast.. I mean I know that British movies are usually very subtle and slow and droll to a degree.. but whoever made this movie turned all three of those dials to the max and tried to force the issue further until the knobs came right off.

Save yourself the time and money and pain, don't bother with this film if you know what's good for your health.

This is the worst movie I have ever seen, ever.. I dad it tied with Step Brothers for a second but at least I could laugh at how horrible Step Brothers was.. And Will Farrell didn't leave me feeling like my head was beaten in with a watermelon.

Grade - G
for
Dear God
Gary Oldman.. Why?
G'dammit my head hurts
Godawful
Where did those two G'damn hours go
G is one letter lower than F
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WARNING: Above Post May Contain Sarcastic/Harsh/Stupid/Offensive/Idiotic/Blasphemous Content. Deal With It.
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What's the difference between a champion and a challenger.. a challenger is trying to become, a champion became.
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simpson01 Mar 18 2012, 11:19 PM Post #2
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 Aha Tinker movies good movie
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