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Scorch the Hedgehog [REVISED]; Revised to a better template.
Topic Started: Dec 29 2011, 10:51 AM (545 Views)
Devy The Mutt
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'Ello, lad!
Name: Benjamin "Scorch" James Bailey

Age: 18

Sex: Male

Species: Hedgehog

Diet: Eats anything that is more than natural than artificial. Eats mostly fruit and at times, pork products.

Height: 4',11"

Weight: 84 lbs.

Alignment: Good [Anger tends to get the best of him at times.]

Birthdate: November 4, 1994

Virtuoso In (Talented or an Expert in): Vocals / Guitars / Has a talent in getting out of many types of holds.

Connoisseur In (With Expert Knowledge in): Psychotherapy

Romantic Relationship Status: Taken

Occupation: Welder / Musical Cover Artist

Theme Song: Breaking Benjamin - "Sugarcoat"

Likes: Priscilla, people that can keep themselves busy, a good challenge, fighting, exercising, people who are laid back when they are having a debate, likes it when he's very angry, but Priscilla calms him down by teasing him (lets him know that he isn't the boss anymore.)

Dislikes: Knowledge without evidence (hates theories until proven,) reptition, doing something he is not required to do, wasting time, how Brandon tends to annoy him by saying "this Napoleon Complex of your's needs to stop" (pretty much calling him small,) and he can't stand it when he is told what to do by someone who doesn't look trustworthy enough to do so.

Personality: Hard-working, intelligent when it comes to socially-based information, is very loud, but he doesn't believe it, tends to be independent when he feels that he can do things on his own, very patient when it comes to violence, but he will still be furious rather quickly.

Common Mottos / Quotes:

"Don't get your nuts in a knot, you rodeo bull..."

"If you ever make a mistake, make that mistake into something better. Like they always say 'broken eggs make a hell of a good omelet.'"

"I'd punch your skinny ass right now, but I'm afraid you might blow away."

"Hahahahaha....he...uhh...if you run away right now, I might not hit you as hard as I'm planning to right now..."

"The past may hurt, but thinking about it can do worse..."

"A theory is nothing more than a lie. It can never be proven, it was just brought up, even when it's false information. Sometimes, it could even be false witness."

"A little bit of water can hurt me severely, but too much water can turn me into this? I'm going to get a pool..."

"When it comes to emotions, you are your only enemy."

"Wait, wait, wait-a-minute, what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?!"



Appearance:


  • Physical Features - Scorch's primary fur color is a very light grey that can get away with being called white. His secondary fur color is a red-orange color that represents his pyro abilities. He has red eyes, which the outer eye (eyeball) turns into a bright yellow when he's at a high adrenaline state. He has a red crest between his eyes and has an "S" on his forehead to represent his nickname, but then again, common name, "Scorch." He also has red tips to his quills.

  • Attire - Scorch doesn't wear much, but at moments, he's in baggy black jeans and a beater. He always wears white shoes with red stripes on them and a large red dot on the sides. For his gloves, they vary. He commonly wears white gloves, but at times, he wears black gloves without the finger sleeves on them.

  • Extra Accessories - Scorch has two piercings and two earrings. He has one lip piercing below his lip that he commonly wears to represent his favor in Rock and Metal. That also refers to his other piercings. He has a cartilage piercing on his right ear that has a sapphire on it, Besides that, he wears a bronze earring on both ears that he tends to lose in his battles. Other than piercings, he has two tattoos. One is a Breaking Benjamin tattoo that I gave him to represent my favorite band. It is located on his left wrist. He also has a Nirvana tattoo on his right bicep to represent my interest in the band, Nirvana.


[I have a reference picture, but I'm going to redo it so you have more of an accurate appearance of him.]

Relationships / Close Friends: Priscilla Miller - Fiance; Scott "Leviathan" Anthony Bailey - Brother; Gizmo - Best Friend (Tends to be called cousin;) Yvette Hummel - Second Best Friend; Jessica "Remedy" Bailey - Mother; Duane "Parabola" Bailey - Father.

Abilities: Pyro

Specials:

  • Callisto - It is not considered as a final form. It would be considered an alternate form. This form is only caused when he is submerged into water with a high adrenaline level. He controls water instead of fire, his appearance remains the same, but his colors change. His primary fur color turns into a dark gray, his secondary fur color turns into a cyan. The appearance of the crest between his eyes and at the tip of his quills begin to diffuse into a more watery color. His eye color turns into a bright blue as well. The "S" on his forehead remains the same, but instead of having its sharp look, it curves more as if it was a snake. His shoes only change color as well to a dark grey and cyan. The tattoos and skin color remain the same.

  • Super Nova - A large swarm of fiery bolts fly from all directions of Scorch to fry his enemies.

    Weakness: Large bodies of water when he's not at the proper adrenaline level and temperatures below room temperature.

    Disabilities: Scorch has low concentration levels so he's not able to focus as well. He's had this since he first went to school.

    Biography: Scorch grew up with a normal-sized family up to when he was seven years old. He grew up with his mother, Jessica, his father, Duane, and his brother Scott who is commonly known as Leviathan. As soon as Scorch was born, he grew a very close bond with his mother, but tended to avoid his father. No one knew the reason, but Jessica was the first person he saw when he was born so he tends to stick with his mother. When Scorch was born, he had many unique features that other infants wouldn't have when they were born. His eyes were wide open when he got cleaned up and he had a power that only lasted for a little bit that only affected his mother. He could read her thoughts, but she couldn't read his, he could let his mother know that something's wrong when she's not at hearing distance, and if he wanted something, he could send a message to her head what he wanted. This lasted until the time he forgot how to use the power for he learned how to communicate on his own by speaking and writing. As time passed, Scorch and his older brother did not get along well. They always ended up fighting for minor things, but the fights would become major and would have to be broken up by mostly their father.

    When Scorch got to second grade, he ended up having to take sessions with a counselor to discuss his anger. It turned out he was okay after he talked to his counselor, but a few weeks after, he began to have those problems again. He pretty soon, had no choice and was sent away to a mental institution to find a better way to cope and stay away from crisis. The bad part about being sent away was he lost communication from his family. No letters were sent, no phone calls, and he couldn't call them because the phone log was ripped and he had no clue how to call them. The only thing he got that came from his family from mail was a guitar, but he didn't know if it was from his family. The counselor that gave it to him covered it up and said it was a gift from his individual therapist. Years later, he got moved up to a detention center for assaulting a staff member for intervening in a crisis that Scorch knew wasn't hurting anyone else or himself. It was only harming his own belongings that had no use having, but his guitar remained untouched.

    When he finally got out of the Detention Zone, he had to move out on his own to Knothole and settle there with his good friend, Gizmo. He was lucky to have Gizmo because he was not provided anything to care of himself for the discharge was unsuccessful. He lived with Gizmo and at the age of 15, fell in love with someone who he felt would last a lifetime. The Alaskan Grey Wolf was named, Priscilla. He had fell in love for multiple reasons. He liked the fact that she was the first person to introduce herself to him among only a few and he liked how sick and twisted she got when she got angry and of course, he loved her appearance. There was one thing that he loved about her that even himself did not know until later. She was the only person who could calm him down at any situation. She benefited him when he did not even know she did. She taught him how to be patient with encounters with anyone even if he was furious. She also taught him to forget what has been done and think about what he can do. Pretty soon, he caught on and learned his way through life and became as stable as he could possibly be, which later, would disappear for he has an enemy that he has forgotten about for about a decade. His own sibling. Scorch found out that Leviathan ran away about a year after Scorch went into an inpatient program for mental health. Scorch knew that he couldn't go after Leviathan for he had someone he had to protect. The girl he loved most, Priscilla.

    Possible Future Goals or Tasks: To protect everything he loves most, even if he has to risk his own life.
    Edited by Devy The Mutt, Oct 9 2012, 07:13 AM.
"The life I live will never be the same without you here..."
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Brick Mage
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I'll be there every step of the way...
If you don't mind, I'm gonna try to give you constructive criticism.
But don't take it badly, I'm just a picky bastard. I hate most every fancharacter.

HARD MODE:
I can't help but notice some inconsistencies here. He has fire abilities, but is weak to ice? His voice is apparently super powerful because of his Banshee Scream, but that powerful voice is not listed as an ability?
And he likes clans, but the root of his problems is a clan? Now, of course, you can turn that one on me, and argue that he likes clans because it's a lifestyle he has been surrounded by, but he despises more the injustice that the Armageddon Clan practices rather than their status as a clan. Given the information in his biography, though, I have to say that he probably wouldn't like clans.
His telekinesis and fire abilities are cliche, also. Not only has such been done before by a million fancharacter creators, but it's an awkward blend of abilities with no correlation. Bring out something innovative, or at least borrow from a list of super powers an ability that you don't see too often in this sort of environment.
I could go on and into greater detail, but I should try to keep it objective and not opinionated. Because I can be pretty opinionated if you let me. But to sum it up, there's a lack of explanation and a lack of tasteful execution on many fronts.

EASY MODE:
You're off to a good start. I don't know if this is your first fancharacter, but I remember my first fancharacter.
Ha ha, ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha...
I was an ignorant child.
You just need to really analyze things before you solidify them. And don't assume a reader understands the things you know or think or feel about your character and their world (or Sega's world, or Archie's world).
And don't worry too much about perfecting things, it's just a fancharacter. You can write and RP with as many flaws as you need, as long as you aren't godmodding your fellow RPers.
Just keep working.
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Clementine
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Yep.
Goddamn you, Maelic. You stole everything i wanted to say. D:

Of course, you do realize (Or maybe not since you don't know me that well.) that i am not impressed anymore with hedgehogs, right? =3 So Scorch makes no impression on me but i still don't know what to say...

By the way, where are those 'pictures' your talking about?

Now, i find it really strange for his choice of songs. What's the word...serenade and hate, respectively. So then, Scorch does not really care about his fans at all but only a one member in the audience or near tv who is his girlfriend for some reason. And i would think that hate songs usually lower your fan population. I mean i know, if i ever sat in one of Scorch's concerts and was bam...fazzl...ed, with your love and rage songs i would probably leave and so would all 50% of people who are on the concert. =w=

Of course, if this is your first time i won't really blame you that you wanted to create a hedgehog who is loved by all and always lived on his own without parents. =w=. But i'm just gonna go out here and say that a lot of people done that. Unless you just kinda watched Sonic Underground and proclaimed "I'll make my own character with a beautiful voice! =D". But Sonic Underground sucked. Some people enjoy it but it's the most disliked cartoon from all Sonic cartoons there are.

Keep trying, my friend! ^^ Someday you'll start to proclaim Scorch was a piece of shit. Of course, i don't say it's a piece of shit. But in a few years, with our criticism you will create characters that will make everyone jump from their socks. ^^

In a good way.

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Devy The Mutt
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'Ello, lad!
I'm not good at making characters or plots for RP's. Thanks people.
"The life I live will never be the same without you here..."
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Brick Mage
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I'll be there every step of the way...
Scorch The Hedgehog
Dec 30 2011, 04:29 PM
I'm not good at making characters or plots for RP's. Thanks people.
Nobody starts off doing exceptionally well, bro.
Faults are fine; every creation has them.
Just keep working, and don't be afraid to RP with your characters as they are.
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Broly
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...Kakarot!!
I'd say the same, but Maelic cleared it all up. Plus, Scorch, you made a great title to the RP you and I started and you're doing a kick ass job at it.
My close friends: Princess Ail the Rabbit Connor Mike shadow Astarotte Finitezero Kintu the fox Cheekaloco
My =SB= family: Shallow Bay (Brother)
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Devy The Mutt
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'Ello, lad!
Aww...thank you! I'm flattered!
"The life I live will never be the same without you here..."
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Broly
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...Kakarot!!
Uh, okay. You're welcome. *Backs away slowly*
My close friends: Princess Ail the Rabbit Connor Mike shadow Astarotte Finitezero Kintu the fox Cheekaloco
My =SB= family: Shallow Bay (Brother)
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Devy The Mutt
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'Ello, lad!
Edited the Bio. I think it's much better than last time, but I still think there's a mistake. Can't put my finger on it.
"The life I live will never be the same without you here..."
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Broly
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...Kakarot!!
And you never will. :3
My close friends: Princess Ail the Rabbit Connor Mike shadow Astarotte Finitezero Kintu the fox Cheekaloco
My =SB= family: Shallow Bay (Brother)
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Devy The Mutt
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'Ello, lad!
I will keep editing it though, until I get it perfect. :D
"The life I live will never be the same without you here..."
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Broly
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...Kakarot!!
I wish you had a picture of your character. Easier to see him then imagine him.
My close friends: Princess Ail the Rabbit Connor Mike shadow Astarotte Finitezero Kintu the fox Cheekaloco
My =SB= family: Shallow Bay (Brother)
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Devy The Mutt
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'Ello, lad!
Uhh...look at the link next to "appearance." It's right there.
"The life I live will never be the same without you here..."
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Broly
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...Kakarot!!
How 'bout some color?
My close friends: Princess Ail the Rabbit Connor Mike shadow Astarotte Finitezero Kintu the fox Cheekaloco
My =SB= family: Shallow Bay (Brother)
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Devy The Mutt
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'Ello, lad!
I suck at coloring, but I will try...
"The life I live will never be the same without you here..."
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