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| Scorch the Hedgehog [REVISED]; Revised to a better template. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 29 2011, 10:51 AM (544 Views) | |
| Devy The Mutt | Dec 29 2011, 10:51 AM Post #1 |
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'Ello, lad!
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Name: Benjamin "Scorch" James Bailey Age: 18 Sex: Male Species: Hedgehog Diet: Eats anything that is more than natural than artificial. Eats mostly fruit and at times, pork products. Height: 4',11" Weight: 84 lbs. Alignment: Good [Anger tends to get the best of him at times.] Birthdate: November 4, 1994 Virtuoso In (Talented or an Expert in): Vocals / Guitars / Has a talent in getting out of many types of holds. Connoisseur In (With Expert Knowledge in): Psychotherapy Romantic Relationship Status: Taken Occupation: Welder / Musical Cover Artist Theme Song: Breaking Benjamin - "Sugarcoat" Likes: Priscilla, people that can keep themselves busy, a good challenge, fighting, exercising, people who are laid back when they are having a debate, likes it when he's very angry, but Priscilla calms him down by teasing him (lets him know that he isn't the boss anymore.) Dislikes: Knowledge without evidence (hates theories until proven,) reptition, doing something he is not required to do, wasting time, how Brandon tends to annoy him by saying "this Napoleon Complex of your's needs to stop" (pretty much calling him small,) and he can't stand it when he is told what to do by someone who doesn't look trustworthy enough to do so. Personality: Hard-working, intelligent when it comes to socially-based information, is very loud, but he doesn't believe it, tends to be independent when he feels that he can do things on his own, very patient when it comes to violence, but he will still be furious rather quickly. Common Mottos / Quotes: "Don't get your nuts in a knot, you rodeo bull..." "If you ever make a mistake, make that mistake into something better. Like they always say 'broken eggs make a hell of a good omelet.'" "I'd punch your skinny ass right now, but I'm afraid you might blow away." "Hahahahaha....he...uhh...if you run away right now, I might not hit you as hard as I'm planning to right now..." "The past may hurt, but thinking about it can do worse..." "A theory is nothing more than a lie. It can never be proven, it was just brought up, even when it's false information. Sometimes, it could even be false witness." "A little bit of water can hurt me severely, but too much water can turn me into this? I'm going to get a pool..." "When it comes to emotions, you are your only enemy." "Wait, wait, wait-a-minute, what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?!" Appearance:
[I have a reference picture, but I'm going to redo it so you have more of an accurate appearance of him.] Relationships / Close Friends: Priscilla Miller - Fiance; Scott "Leviathan" Anthony Bailey - Brother; Gizmo - Best Friend (Tends to be called cousin;) Yvette Hummel - Second Best Friend; Jessica "Remedy" Bailey - Mother; Duane "Parabola" Bailey - Father. Abilities: Pyro Specials:
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"The life I live will never be the same without you here..." | |
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| Brick Mage | Dec 29 2011, 10:50 PM Post #2 |
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I'll be there every step of the way...
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If you don't mind, I'm gonna try to give you constructive criticism. But don't take it badly, I'm just a picky bastard. I hate most every fancharacter. HARD MODE: I can't help but notice some inconsistencies here. He has fire abilities, but is weak to ice? His voice is apparently super powerful because of his Banshee Scream, but that powerful voice is not listed as an ability? And he likes clans, but the root of his problems is a clan? Now, of course, you can turn that one on me, and argue that he likes clans because it's a lifestyle he has been surrounded by, but he despises more the injustice that the Armageddon Clan practices rather than their status as a clan. Given the information in his biography, though, I have to say that he probably wouldn't like clans. His telekinesis and fire abilities are cliche, also. Not only has such been done before by a million fancharacter creators, but it's an awkward blend of abilities with no correlation. Bring out something innovative, or at least borrow from a list of super powers an ability that you don't see too often in this sort of environment. I could go on and into greater detail, but I should try to keep it objective and not opinionated. Because I can be pretty opinionated if you let me. But to sum it up, there's a lack of explanation and a lack of tasteful execution on many fronts. EASY MODE: You're off to a good start. I don't know if this is your first fancharacter, but I remember my first fancharacter. Ha ha, ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha... I was an ignorant child. You just need to really analyze things before you solidify them. And don't assume a reader understands the things you know or think or feel about your character and their world (or Sega's world, or Archie's world). And don't worry too much about perfecting things, it's just a fancharacter. You can write and RP with as many flaws as you need, as long as you aren't godmodding your fellow RPers. Just keep working. |
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| Clementine | Dec 30 2011, 03:05 AM Post #3 |
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Yep.
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Goddamn you, Maelic. You stole everything i wanted to say. D: Of course, you do realize (Or maybe not since you don't know me that well.) that i am not impressed anymore with hedgehogs, right? =3 So Scorch makes no impression on me but i still don't know what to say... By the way, where are those 'pictures' your talking about? Now, i find it really strange for his choice of songs. What's the word...serenade and hate, respectively. So then, Scorch does not really care about his fans at all but only a one member in the audience or near tv who is his girlfriend for some reason. And i would think that hate songs usually lower your fan population. I mean i know, if i ever sat in one of Scorch's concerts and was bam...fazzl...ed, with your love and rage songs i would probably leave and so would all 50% of people who are on the concert. =w= Of course, if this is your first time i won't really blame you that you wanted to create a hedgehog who is loved by all and always lived on his own without parents. =w=. But i'm just gonna go out here and say that a lot of people done that. Unless you just kinda watched Sonic Underground and proclaimed "I'll make my own character with a beautiful voice! =D". But Sonic Underground sucked. Some people enjoy it but it's the most disliked cartoon from all Sonic cartoons there are. Keep trying, my friend! ^^ Someday you'll start to proclaim Scorch was a piece of shit. Of course, i don't say it's a piece of shit. But in a few years, with our criticism you will create characters that will make everyone jump from their socks. ^^ In a good way. |
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| Devy The Mutt | Dec 30 2011, 04:29 PM Post #4 |
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'Ello, lad!
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I'm not good at making characters or plots for RP's. Thanks people. |
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"The life I live will never be the same without you here..." | |
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| Brick Mage | Dec 30 2011, 06:28 PM Post #5 |
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I'll be there every step of the way...
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Nobody starts off doing exceptionally well, bro. Faults are fine; every creation has them. Just keep working, and don't be afraid to RP with your characters as they are. |
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Dec 30 2011, 06:49 PM Post #6 |
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...Kakarot!!
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I'd say the same, but Maelic cleared it all up. Plus, Scorch, you made a great title to the RP you and I started and you're doing a kick ass job at it. |
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My close friends: Princess Ail the Rabbit Connor Mike shadow Astarotte Finitezero Kintu the fox Cheekaloco My =SB= family: Shallow Bay (Brother) | |
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| Devy The Mutt | Dec 30 2011, 07:18 PM Post #7 |
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'Ello, lad!
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Aww...thank you! I'm flattered! |
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"The life I live will never be the same without you here..." | |
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Jan 10 2012, 03:03 PM Post #8 |
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...Kakarot!!
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Uh, okay. You're welcome. *Backs away slowly* |
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My close friends: Princess Ail the Rabbit Connor Mike shadow Astarotte Finitezero Kintu the fox Cheekaloco My =SB= family: Shallow Bay (Brother) | |
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| Devy The Mutt | Jan 10 2012, 05:32 PM Post #9 |
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'Ello, lad!
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Edited the Bio. I think it's much better than last time, but I still think there's a mistake. Can't put my finger on it. |
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"The life I live will never be the same without you here..." | |
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Jan 21 2012, 04:00 PM Post #10 |
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...Kakarot!!
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And you never will. :3 |
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My close friends: Princess Ail the Rabbit Connor Mike shadow Astarotte Finitezero Kintu the fox Cheekaloco My =SB= family: Shallow Bay (Brother) | |
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| Devy The Mutt | Jan 28 2012, 07:25 AM Post #11 |
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'Ello, lad!
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I will keep editing it though, until I get it perfect.
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"The life I live will never be the same without you here..." | |
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Jan 28 2012, 11:50 AM Post #12 |
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...Kakarot!!
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I wish you had a picture of your character. Easier to see him then imagine him. |
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My close friends: Princess Ail the Rabbit Connor Mike shadow Astarotte Finitezero Kintu the fox Cheekaloco My =SB= family: Shallow Bay (Brother) | |
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| Devy The Mutt | Jan 28 2012, 12:09 PM Post #13 |
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'Ello, lad!
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Uhh...look at the link next to "appearance." It's right there. |
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"The life I live will never be the same without you here..." | |
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Jan 28 2012, 12:20 PM Post #14 |
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...Kakarot!!
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How 'bout some color? |
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My close friends: Princess Ail the Rabbit Connor Mike shadow Astarotte Finitezero Kintu the fox Cheekaloco My =SB= family: Shallow Bay (Brother) | |
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| Devy The Mutt | Jan 28 2012, 01:58 PM Post #15 |
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'Ello, lad!
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I suck at coloring, but I will try... |
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"The life I live will never be the same without you here..." | |
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