A Shameless Scientific Lecture

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A Shameless Scientific Lecture; Some expositionary short stories with HUMOUR! :D
Tweet Topic Started: Sep 3 2010, 03:06 AM (184 Views)
Lord Tora Unlimited Crusader	Sep 3 2010, 03:06 AM Post #1
【The Knight of Tigers 】 Posts: 5,462 Group: Former Monarchs Member #6,733 Joined: March 17, 2008 Gender: Male Country: Australia 3DS Friend Code: 0404-6433-6113 Steam ID: crusaderandtimothy	So, in case you don't already know, my USB died, taking Shrouded in Fog with it. cue disappointed groans from readers I know, I know, I left it at a really bad spot, but with all my plans, soundtrack references and stuff gone, I'm finding it hard to get back to it. Plus, I don't think I can handle epic projects like that and ExAd, which I've also given up on. >_> So, I'm gonna stick to what I do best; short, episodic short stories. So, here we go; the first installment of 'A Shameless Scientific Lecture'. When upgrading my machines, I always place them in a blast chamber and work on them using remotely-controlled robotic arms. One might wonder why I might take such extreme precautions for something only the size of a normal person, but when one considers the type of powerful energy sources I harness to power them or the delicate and fickle AI systems I install into my more sentient creations, it stops being questionable. Well, actually, it stays questionable; rather, it makes people stop asking “Isn’t that a bit too much?” and makes them ask “Shouldn’t there be more metal and less glass on that thing?” With a hiss of air, the blast chamber depressurised, the curved pane of duraglass that formed the front half sliding upwards to reveal the chamber’s occupant; a black-haired humanoid apparently clad in black armour with white joints. Once the chamber was opened fully, the armoured individual opened his eyes and sat up, arching one leg to keep his balance on the diagonally-tilted surface he had been lying on. “How’s it feel, Panzer?” I asked him from the holographic interface I used to operate the blast chamber’s arms. He lifted one arm and flexed his fingers. “It’s a bit heavier than the last,” he replied, “but I can tell you’ve strengthened the servo motors to compensate. Just means I’ll be a couple grams overbalanced towards my right, but I’ll get used to it.” “You sure? I could add a stabiliser to your other arm if you’d like.” “I’ll get too top-heavy, and then you’ll add more stabilisers to my legs to compensate, and the end result will be me gaining too much weight for a single system. I’ll be fine.” Just like Panzer to be so conservative. Ah well. I stepped away from the interface and gestured at some wooden silhouette targets I’d set up earlier at the other end of the mecha lab. “Well, give it a go,” I said. With a nod, Panzer left the chamber and took up a position beside me. He took one step back, with his left hand outstretched palm-forward at the targets and the other clenched into a fist at his waist. His eyes narrowed slightly – probably investigating new connections he wasn’t used to, I surmised – before delivering a punch to the air from the hip. “HYAAAAAH!” At the peak of his punch, the android’s arm suddenly detached at the elbow with an impressive burst of flame and smoke; his hand and forearm flew forwards – propelled by a miniature plasma thruster – and smashed into the first target. The wood splintered on impact, the flimsy material no match for the titanium-reinforced ‘Rocket Knuckle’. Three more times, the arm circled around to strike the rest of the targets before returning to Panzer, hovering in the air in front of him as he reattached it to his elbow. “Hmph,” he grunted, “It’s primitive and inefficient... But it might come in handy.” “Ha! He said ‘handy’, and he’s talking about his arm, nya! Are you teaching Panzer to be funny, Crusader-sama, nya?” The familiar girlish voice behind me, with the gratuitous Japanese honorifics and the ‘endearing’ verbal tic... It could only be Custodian Artificial Tertius Synthoid, otherwise known as ‘Catina’, the third and final member of my Custodian Artificial series of robots. I turned around and opened my mouth to say something, only to find a pair of robotic cat ears peeking out of a mess of semi-combed brown hair at eye-level. I looked down and tried again. “Catina, you’re way too close,” I said, “If I can’t see your face without having to tilt my head downwards, it means you’re invading my personal space.” “Personal space is boring though, nya,” the catgirl-android sulked, taking a few steps backwards anyway, “There’s no sense of closeness and togetherness, nya! You know how cats die from loneliness, don’t you, nya?” “Firstly, that’s rabbits,” Panzer said, his calm monotone sharply contrasting Catina’s excited motor-mouthing, “Secondly, no-one in this room is a rabbit.” “And thirdly,” I added, “Teaching Panzer to be funny is an oxymoron.” “I’m not a moron, nya! You’re so mean, Crusader-sama, nya!” Catina, trying to pull an angry expression, stomped one foot on the ground and held her arms at her sides stiffly. It was coming off more as ‘indignant, but nonetheless harmless’. Though, it’s hard to take anyone seriously when they have cat ears sticking out the top of their head, not to mention her usual terrible fashion sense; today it was a pair of knee-length denim shorts and a thick, faded brown pullover. Not the strangest thing I’d seen her wearing before, but nevertheless, I wondered where I could possibly have screwed up in her programming to cause such poor judgement in taste. “Not ‘moron’, Catina,” I explained wearily, “‘Oxymoron’. It means ‘a contradictory phrase’.” “Oh. I knew that, nya.” “I can be funny,” Panzer objected behind me. Ignoring him, I arched an eyebrow at Catina. “Anyways, what brings you down here? Shouldn’t you be...” I waved a hand at the mecha bay, “Somewhere that... isn’t full of dangerous things connected to buttons you know you’ll be tempted to push?” The android put a finger to her mouth in thought, then gave an ‘ah’ of realisation. “I remember now, nya! I wanted to ask, how come neither me, Cass or Panzer can fly, even though we’ve all got booster thingies in our feet, nya? Capella can fly, and she’s got them too, nya.” She was referring to her earlier predecessors; Custodian Artificials Primus and Secundus Synthoids, ‘Capella’ and ‘Cassandra’ respectively. “I can be funny,” Panzer insisted. Again, he went ignored. “Capella... isn’t like you three,” I explained, “The thrusters you have are powered by Arcane Reactor Cores – or in Panzer’s case, a Laputacite-driven gravitic generator – and in both cases, they’re not designed for energy output high enough to lift you off the ground for extended periods of time. For Panzer, it reroutes the anti-gravity effect of the Laputacite to his boosters, which stops propelling the turbine inside him and leaves it to spin on it’s own momentum. In a way, whenever he uses his boosters, he’s effectively stopping his ‘heart’. For you and Cass... well, you’re powered solely by magical energy, and when you use large amounts of that power for prolonged intervals, it gets more and more unstable. If you used your boosters for long enough, you might shut down suddenly, or malfunction, or even blow up; magic is unpredictable like that.” “But Capella has an ARC too,” Catina pointed out, “So wouldn’t she be the same, nya?” “I’m getting to that. See, Capella’s AI, having been created by fusing psychological imprints from the most strong-willed and hot-blooded characters from fiction, sort of... evolved. She’s not programmed like you two; she was so psychically powerful that she manifested an actual soul through sheer willpower alone. And with that kind of raw spirit, she’s able to do things that aren’t physically possible, just by being passionate enough about it.” “So, just being stubborn enough to defy gravity, nya?” “Supernaturally stubborn, in fact.” “I can be funny,” Panzer said, “I’ve made several humorous remarks over the years.” “The problem is whether or not people share your sense of humour, Panzer.” “This story is turning into a huge science lecture about how stuff works in the Velvet Zone, isn’t it, nya?” I looked at Catina, frowning slightly. Actually, now that she’d mentioned it, it was, wasn’t it? All three of us gave the reader an aside glance. “Gotta stop breaking the fourth wall like that,” I mused aloud, “It’s dangerous.” “Who knows what eldritch abominations are hiding behind that flimsy metaphysical construct, nya?” Catina added, “Just waiting and watching our every move, nya... It’s kinda creepy, just thinking about it, nya.” I nodded in agreement, then frowned as I played what she’d just said over in my head. “So, you know what a ‘metaphysical construct’ is,” I said, “But you can’t define ‘oxymoron’?” The catgirl stuck her tongue out the side of her mouth and tapped her knuckles on the side of her head. “My information banks are faulty, nya.” You don’t say, I thought. Edited by Tora Unlimited Crusader, Sep 3 2010, 03:08 AM.
	Check out my tumblr, Aggravated Anime-Adoring Australian, where I post all sorts of dumb screencaps and MS Paint edits and generally bitch and moan about stupid otaku shit. ~One third of =SB='s Legendary Australian Trio. The man who surpassed anime fandom and became the Patron Saint of GAR and Moe.~


The Milkman	Sep 3 2010, 04:25 AM Post #2
I am The Milkman. Posts: 523 Group: B Rank Knight Member #11,336 Joined: August 21, 2010	This topic was misleading, but the content was somewhat entertaining. Glad you weren't actually doing any REAL science. That's my bag. Though, I wouldn't be opposed to the idea... AH! Your writing, yes. Let me think... Unfortunately... "Somewhat entertaining" just doesn't stick when you're standing up against Dragon Age: Origins. I also don't like catgirls, but THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE. I've gotta admit that while it sucked less than I thought it would (That's a compliment, by the way), I must also confess that it didn't much keep my attention. That may just be me, though. That's my opinion on it, take it or leave it. Edited by The Milkman, Sep 3 2010, 04:31 AM.
	My milk is fortified with what the world wants. What the world deserves.


HollyYoshi	Sep 3 2010, 12:02 PM Post #3
I object to your claims Posts: 15,025 Group: =SB= Queens Member #9,640 Joined: January 9, 2009 Gender: Female Country: United States of America 3DS Friend Code: 1891-1489-0768 Nintendo ID: Agent_Blaire Game Currently Playing: Yoshi's Island	Quote: cue disappointed groans from readers Awwww...... D: Anyway, the story. I found it quite good. Character interaction was pretty nice and more then once I found myself chuckling at the wholesome humor I know you for.



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