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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 3 2010, 06:04 PM (342 Views) | |
| Lord English | Feb 3 2010, 06:04 PM Post #1 |
Sandopolis Act 2
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(In order to fully understand the story, you'll most likely want to read the prequel http://sonicblast.org/topic/7181597/1/#new and this http://sonicblast.org/topic/7197431/1/#new) Prologue Jake awoke suddenly from his horrerndous nightmare, once again it was about that same event that happened almost a year ago. Watching Dani be brutally slaughtered by the daedric king Ys'lov was almost unbearable, and he had witnessed it every night since. He adjusted his leg, hearing the creek of is battle worn mk4 armor. It was another miserable day in the plains of oblivion; where he had rested for over a year now. Though he was now 17, he body had not aged in this realm, and he still kept his form of a 16 year old; which was lucky for him considering he would have probably outgrew his suit and ended up dieing from the lack of a warm shelter during the harsh, cold nights. He heard a near silent beeping noise, and watched a blue hologram appear on his visor. "Why good morning Jake," Nicole smiled "glad you woke up early because we've got a sandstorm approaching 20 clicks from here and we should get moving if we don't want to get caught right in the middle of it. "You're right," He laughed "but that's still a good five minutes away from here, and i can see a good shelter about 70 meters away" "Seriously though," she straightened, with a more worried look on her face " it will take a while for me to boot up your suits systems, leaving you barely anytime to find some bloodgrass to snack on" "I'm not that hungry, i'll just wait out in that cave until the storm settles down, take a rest, and go grab some brunch when its safe" "God, you are stubborn, aren't you?" she laughed. While waiting for his suit to power up, Jake once again was faced with the problem of how the hell to get out of this place and return to earth, or at least whatever planet was left. When the daedric king fell, all mode of transportation disappeared along with his soul; leaving only small amounts of scamps and Daedra Caitiff to patrol the wasteland. The only way he could think of would be chaos control, but he had destroyed all the chaos gems, and a multi-planetary jump without any gems would be extremely energy consuming and could even end up dropping him in the middle of space. "All done," Nicole announced "you can get up now" He stretched his legs and slowly began to push himself up off of the dirty, pale brown ground. Standing up, his combat suit had him standing at about 7'3; almost the height of most Spartan II's and III's. "Statistics report," he ordered "how our the suit's energy banks holding up?" "Things aren't doing to great," she said in a dismayed tone "Energy reserves down to 12%, enough to last another week... maybe two" "Anything else?" He asked "Energy shields seem to be functioning properly, but the suit itself is in pretty bad condition." she announced "The suit is months over due for maintenance, if only Tails was sti-" An awkward silence took over for almost a minute "I miss them too, but we need to continue on." He said, trying to hide his misery, but it still came through in his voice "I'm gonna make a run for that cave over there, and sleep the rest of the storm out. Put the suit in hibernate so we don't have to go through that whole boot up ordeal twice in one day" "Gotcha" He stretched his limbs for a minute, a commenced a 80 km/h sprint toward the cave, leaping onto it's cold, rocky floor. He settled himself up against a wall, and slowly closed his eyes. Edited by Lord English, Feb 13 2011, 11:49 AM.
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| Lord English | Feb 7 2010, 06:39 PM Post #2 |
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Sandopolis Act 2
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Chapter 1 Another nightmare, they were starting to become a sure thing everytime he closed his eyes. Except, this tme was different. He had dreamt of that same battle, but this time he witnesses as the Cybertronian demi-god Optimus Prime clutched a chaos cube towards his chest, leaping toward Ys’lov. The impact had stunned the king, but the real damage was on Optimus. The explosion of the gem had ripped apart his chest killing him instantly. Knowing it was a dream, Jake could only watched as his friend lay there motionless. He felt an electrical pulse. “JAKE! WAKE UP!” Another pulse surged through his body. “Please Jake! I know you can hear me!” He hear Nicole yelling “W-what… what is it? So I slept in, you don’t have to be a bitch about it…” He grumbled “Jake, you need to get up and go eat something” She sais sternly “You’re energy readings are low and your suit can’t force feed you nutrients forever!” “Fine, fine, but what is there to eat around here? Bloodgrass tastes like shit and the closest thing to water is god damn lava!” He snarled “You know that scamps are highly edible if cooked to the correct temperature, right?” She asked He stared at her silently. “… You couldn’t have told me that 13 months ago?!” “Oh, I guess it just slipped my mind.” She laughed. Walking through the barren wastelands were boring trips, they could last days without running into anything useful. To occupy their time, Nicole would play songs by the RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS to remind him of his time back on earth with Dani. He would often sing along with the song, and he was quite talented. This time however, there was no music or singing. Jake’s suit was going to eventually run out of energy in the next week, and Jake was slowly dying of hunger. Eventually, they found a small pack of scamps. At 3 feet tall; the red, wrinkly demons were no match for Jake as he defeated 4 of them with only two punches. His first swing knocked 2 into a small firepit; burning them alive. The second went right through the 3rd’s skull, with shards of bone flying into the 4th’s face. In his giant armor, Jake stood proudly over the dead corpses. “Well, that was impressive.” Said Nicole |
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| Lord English | Feb 15 2010, 06:43 PM Post #3 |
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Sandopolis Act 2
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Chapter 2 He almost wished Nicole hadn't told him that the scamps were edible, they tasted like dirt and were practically just skin and bones. He couldn't live like this forever, he had to get out of Oblivion soon; or else he would die of either insanity or hunger. "Blegh, are you sure your databases said "edible", not "they won't kill you but you'll feel like you're dying"?" He asked "He, you organics and you're "tastes". The only purpose of food is to nourish and that's it, not to stimulate your tastes buds!" She laughed He sighed. "I'm going to sleep" he said "What do you mean? You've been sleeping all day!" she questioned "You're obviously reacting to your mal-nourishment and right now the best thing you can do is to stay active until we can get you medical att-" He sighed again. "Trust me, there's no way I'm getting any help in this hell hole. Besides, what's the worse that could happen?" He force hibernated his suit and collapsed to the ground. ------------------------------- A nightmare, that's the worst that could happen. It was the same event, Optimus lying there motionless on the ground. Ys'lov laughing over his dead body, grabbing Sonic in mid-air and throwing him to the ground. This time though, Jake couldn't help but stare at Optimus. He was looking for something, but he wasn't sure what. Then he saw it, an energon capsule rolled out of one of his compartments and exploded when it hit a pile of molten rock. ENERGON. The "limitless" energy used by the Cybertronians. It served the same function as the Mobian rings, or the Human "crystal skulls". If Jake were able to return to the battleground and find Optimus' corpse, he would be able to recharge his suit with the leftover energon. He woke up. "Nicole! Nicole! Comon, boot up!" He shouted. A slow loading bar passed along his HUD. "Awww screw it..." He muttered. He prepared to teleport himself across the realm, it would take him almost all the energy he had, but it would be worth it. "CHAOS..." "Wait!" Nicole yelled "CONTROL!!!" He disappeared. |
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| Lord English | Feb 23 2010, 04:37 PM Post #4 |
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Sandopolis Act 2
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He arrived, and collapsed. The uber long distance jump had almost completely drained the energy from both his suit, and himself. He tried to get up, but the suit seemed to weigh a ton (though it actually did, his strength would usually carry it fine) and he could barely keep his eyes open. The suit was dying, and so was he. He saw a dim light blinking in the corner of his faded HUD, "Suit energy less than 2.754%. System shutdown imminent." He wondered why Nicole hadn't said anything yet, he realized that she also relied on the energy from his uit, and talking would just bring his doom sooner. He tried to focus his vision around him, most things were a blur, but he could make out some dull shapes. Most likely the corpses of his fallen comrades, which meant he was close to his target. No signs of Optimus, but then again he could only see in a 150 direction, and Optimus could most likely be behind him. He summoned all the strength he could find left inside his body, and attempted to roll over onto his other side. He failed, but did manage to get on his back. He paused to look into the blood red sky of Oblivion. If his plan succeeded, this would be the last time he would get to look into that emptiness. Oh did he loathe for that day. He rested for another 3 minutes, waiting for his body to stop burning from pain. He wasn't sure where it was coming from, but he assumed that it wasn't enough to keep him from rolling his body another 90 degrees. He lied there for 2 more minutes, sing "Dani California" in his head for motivation. That song meant so much to him, it was practically the life story of his wife; in fact it was the origin of her nick name. He began to cry, but stopped when he realized that would just tire him out more. He angrily pushed him self the rest of the roll and paused. Lying about 7 feet away from him was the MARK V spartan armor that was worn by Dani, while the rest of the corpses would have naturally decomposed, the advanced pressurized suit would have kept her body in a state of suspended animation. At least that's what might happen, since there was a giant gash in the center of her armor. He began to crawl towards her with all his might, and lunged on top of her body. He fumbled towards the back of her helmet, and pull the emergency release. The visor opened up with a hiss. He stared into her blank eyes, mesmerized by her beautiful face. He raised his hand towards her face, and rubbed her cheek softly; her skin felt smoother than ever. He then reached behind his own helmet, opened up his mask, and kissed her lovingly. He stayed like that for over a minute, though it felt like an eternity. Her face was now covered in his tears, not only did we weep of agony, but he was overjoyed to be with his love for one more time. He then jumped up, and spun around looking for the only other body that could help him. He saw optimus, and awkwardly ran towards him. As he ran, he saw the meter of his suits power drop rapidly. By the time he reached the Cybertronian, his suit was at zero power. "System shutdown in 4 seconds" It sounded like Nicole, but he didn't care; he reached for Optimus' backup cell. "3 Seconds remaining" He opened it up and saw the energon cube lying there unharmed. "2 seconds remaining" He pulled out his suits external charging cable. "1 second remaining" He took the cube and clutched it towards his stomach. "System shutdown" He went limp. |
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| Lord English | Mar 2 2010, 03:57 PM Post #5 |
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Sandopolis Act 2
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(Going to be delaying this one too, trying to focus on the new mobius-covenant war) |
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| Katsuko | Apr 2 2010, 11:23 AM Post #6 |
Sandopolis Act 1
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I enjoyed reading this ^^ It moved quickly and I was sort of coming to like Jake ^^ That said, there were a couple things I had trouble with. The main problem was that I couldn't visualize anything. I don't know what the planet looks like, what Jake looks like... I don't really know what Nicole is. She seems like a computer, but at the beginning you describe her stretching and sitting up. Is she a robot? A cybertronian? A girl in a power-suit? Give our senses something to play with—some smells, sounds, feelings, and especially visual detail. If we can see what's happening, we'll enjoy this a lot more. That said, be careful not to describe too much. It can be boring. It's a balancing act xP Also, although I realize this has had a variety of prequels, be careful not to assume that the reader knows too much. Most of your readers probably won't take the time to read all the build-up, so you have to assume that this is the first story by you that your reader's ever read, so when we start reading about Optimus Prime and Sonic and Dani and some king named Ys'lov duking it out, we're going to be confused. And it's frustrating, not enticing. We don't want to keep reading to find out what the heck is going on; we want to put the book down because the author has us confused. So, in the words of the Nostalgia Critic, explain! All that said, I enjoyed reading this. The writing's not bad. The story still has me interested. I hope to see an update here soon ^^ Good luck, Silverblade! |
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