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The Devil You Know
Topic Started: Aug 22 2009, 07:52 PM (205 Views)
RabidChoco Aug 22 2009, 07:52 PM Post #1
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Sandopolis Act 2
 Alright, I'm still taking people who want a character of theirs/representing them to show up. Shoot me a PM.

---------------------------

PROLOGUE: SLEEPLESS

It was one of those foggy nights. They tended to come eerily often to the town of Sunrock, especially this time of year. On this particular foggy night, a man sat in a downtown café, staring alternately between his latté and the clouded window. His black leather coat made him seem hunched, and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. After taking a long draw from his cup of coffee, he asked himself, out loud, "What the hell is wrong with me?"
"Yeah, that's what we want to know, too, Taylor." The man turned towards the source of the new voice, an gray anthropomorphic fox. He sidled over and sat down across from the man, with his own drink. "You haven't visited Strinn and me since the wedding, Jack and Tai say you've been sticking to your basement, but not doing anything, for the past month, even Red thinks something's off," the fox ticked off.
Taylor took another sip. "Yeah, I know," he said, his voice cracking.
"Come on, we're friends, right? If there were something wrong, you'd tell me, right?" The fox inquired.
"That's part of the problem, Koren. I can't pin it down," Taylor said, in the same tired voice. Koren began to reply, but Taylor cut him off. "I've been having some really bad dreams lately. They've been making it hard for me to sleep," he confessed.
"You've had bad dreams before. They haven't messed you up like this," Koren replied, noting the man's disheveled appearance.
"These dreams are worse. You really wouldn't understand, Koren. You don't sleep at all," Taylor countered. "They're really vivid. I remember every detail, every... no, I'd rather not go there," Taylor explained. "And they're all the same basic concept. I think something's messing with my head," he finished.
"Maybe you should go se ZeOnyx," the fox volunteered.
"No. I'm not going to Kahti again. Remember the beebles?" Taylor shuddered.
"That wasn't your fault. Red and ZeOnyx know better than to try spells off a random book now," Koren offered in an attempt to cheer Taylor up.
"And the silvers still haven't let my 'attack' on their king go. It's been, what, seven years since then? That was an accident, too," Taylor said bitterly.
"And you just don't want to 'bother' him. He's not a prince anymore, he's put his heritage behind him," Koren replied. "At least see somebody who'd have an idea..."
"I will," Taylor said with finality. "I think I found somebody more... local, if you know what I mean." He slid a business card across the table.
"What the hell is a parapsychologist?" Koren asked, taking a sip of his coffee.
Taylor hesitated. "I'm not really sure. Sounds something like somebody who could get into my head and figure the whole mess out," he answered.
"Gods. These dreams scare you that badly, huh?"
"Yeah."
Koren rose to leave. "Well, whatever you think will work. And if this guy can't help you?"
"I guess I'll go see Z, then," Taylor answered with an air of defeat.
"Just... get some sleep before you go, Taylor. We worry about you. Really," Koren said.
"Strinn, too? There's a shock."
"Oh, come on. She's not moody all the time," Koren said defensively.
"I find it tough to imagine that a girl who can effectively use fifty swords with just a thought would actually be concerned," Taylor stated.
"Well, she's worried about you. Believe it," Koren walked out into the misty, overcast night, leaving Taylor in the café.
After the fox was out of sight, Taylor sighed. "I know, Koren. And I'm sorry to worry you like this. It's just... I can't take much more of this..." He apologized to the empty seat across from him, a tear rolling down his cheek. "Damn it!" He thumped his fist on the table. "I can't bring myself to apologize to my best friend's face. I really do need help. And sleep, he's right about that one." On that note, he tossed the rest of his coffee in the trash and headed outside himself.
Edited by RabidChoco, Aug 22 2009, 08:22 PM.
Indeed, there is nothing more repulsive than these monsters that defy nature and are known by the name of witcher, as they are the offspring of foul sorcery and witchcraft. They are unscrupulous scoundrels without conscience and virtue, veritable creatures from hell capable only of taking lives. They have no place amongst decent and honest folk.
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Lord Tora Unlimited Crusader Aug 22 2009, 08:14 PM Post #2
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【The Knight of Tigers 】

 I like the little half-explained tidbits you give scattered through the dialogue there. Really gives a sense of background without it being reminiscent of a 'remember the time you did such-and-such and so-and-so said this and you were all like blah blah blah' scenario.

Just a note; what you've got here so far is split into two paragraphs, and I think either the split needs to go or you may need to cut it into more paragraphs, because it looks a bit clumsy just having this tiny little section at the top and then a massive chunk that simply dwarfs it at the bottom. And besides, the split occurs in a really odd place compared to the rest of the dialogue.

Great stuff so far. You've hooked me in already.
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