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Zora The Hedgehog
Topic Started: Aug 26 2008, 04:57 PM (118 Views)
Sleka
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Cream
Name: Zora

Age: 19

Appearance: red and white hedgehog, white turns red when mad. 4 huge claws come out from his knuckles, his head spikes twist together and then untwist occasionally, he has a neclase with a rubie on it

Highest speed: about 45 (sonics speed)

IQ: 98

DOB: Feb 29, 1998

Personality: anti-social, Rarely Ever Seen In Daylight, never goes anywhere near large crowds.

Friends: No One

Lives: nowhere, he is everywhere and nowhere at the same time

Attacks:

Shadow Tele: when in the shadows, can teleport to areas within 1 mile, makes him very dizzy

Quick Flame claws: Claws turn on fire and starts slicing Victim Rapidly.

Chaos Claws: Claws Glow with the power of chaos, increasing Damage 10x, makes him extreamly tired.

Stealth: can dissaper into the shadows, but makes him very dizzy

Bio: No one ever knew where he was born, some say he was never born, they say hes the prince of shadows but some people know when he was born( unfinished)




Edited by Sleka, Aug 27 2008, 03:57 AM.

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Shadre
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Big sig is big.


And an IQ of 98?

Did this guy get dropped on his head as a baby?
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SuperShadowgal
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The Female Ultimate Life Form!
Needs more information. At a minimum he also needs a background story, and Strengths/Weaknesses line.
We have some templates floating around the site.

Good things:
>> Changing color due to certain emotions.
>> Attacks are balanced with a downside.
>> Design sounds promising.

Things to be fixed [sometime]:
Quote:
 
Age: unknown
DOB: unknown

Care to explain? Even Shadow has an estimated age. {And all the characters have estimated DOBs. :<

Quote:
 
4 huge claws come out from his knuckles
Highest speed: Extremely fast

Keep in mind to try and stay away from making abilities that are greater than certain characters who specialize in this. {Example: Saying you character is stronger than Knuckles, Saying your character is faster than Sonic, Saying your character has more tails than Tails.}

>> Add more details
>> Explain why they are the way they are. (Why does he have sharp claws? What events caused him to become Anti-social/why does he choose this? etc.)
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Haro
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Sleka
Aug 26 2008, 04:57 PM


Bio: No one ever knew where he was born, some say he was never born, they say hes the prince of shadows but some people know when he was born( unfinished)




Quote:
 
Name: Zora
Uhh, idk.

Quote:
 
Age: 19
same.

Quote:
 
Appearance: red and white hedgehog, white turns red when mad. 4 huge claws come out from his knuckles, his head spikes twist together and then untwist occasionally, he has a neclase with a rubie on it
Fine, but wtf @ the "red fur when mad". That's really a big failer, and t'is very unoriginal...The necklace is fine.

Quote:
 
Highest speed: about 45 (sonics speed)
1. Sonic goes around 750 MPH at his fastest, 2. Making any type of character at/over a real character's level of something = Epic fail. Sonic IS the world's fastest, that cannot change...

Quote:
 
IQ: 98
I guess he isn't the brightest man in the world...

Quote:
 
DOB: Feb 29, 1998
k.

Quote:
 
Personality: anti-social, Rarely Ever Seen In Daylight, never goes anywhere near large crowds.
The rarely seen in the daytime/anti-social attitude is so cookie cutter/overused, btw...

Quote:
 
Friends: No One
Same as personality.

Quote:
 
Lives: nowhere, he is everywhere and nowhere at the same time
That sounded like you tried to make him sound cool, you coulda just said "He has no specific home, but he travels around."

Quote:
 
Shadow Tele: when in the shadows, can teleport to areas within 1 mile, makes him very dizzy

Very godmodded, considering he is rarely in the daylight and shadows are everywhere...he can literally just run away to a distance that no regular thing, even a superfast furrie, can get to. Since by the time they get there, which is at most 5 minutes, he could just tele again.

Quote:
 
Quick Flame claws: Claws turn on fire and starts slicing Victim Rapidly.
Good I guess, but has nothing to do with Shadows like his previous attack.


Quote:
 
Chaos Claws: Claws Glow with the power of chaos, increasing Damage 10x, makes him extreamly tired.

Please no chaos powers...

Quote:
 
Stealth: can dissaper into the shadows, but makes him very dizzy
Godmodded...since if he dissapeared it wouldn't matter if he's dizzy...

Quote:
 
Bio: No one ever knew where he was born, some say he was never born, they say hes the prince of shadows but some people know when he was born( unfinished)
...lol. Prince of Shadows? They say he was never born? He is no god...Plus Prince of Shadows = One of the most cookie cutter/overused things a character could be...

It could be better if it was like...He was born from a civilization that was long ago banished by another tribe since they awaited the one who carried the Shadraius gene. The one was born a bit too late, since there rival tribe already killed all of his tribe. They took him away, and raised him. As he grew, he adapted to his new tribe's customs. Since they were ruthless, as you know since they killed his home tribe, he took on this trait, and is very anti-social. Around the age of 14, he already realized his Shadaius gene, which allowed him to manipulate many aspects of reality, like Darkness and Fire. He walked into a tribe room after awakening, hearing the tribesmen talk about how they'll use him to rule the <Unknown town/world> with an iron fist. He did NOT like being used, and he honestly just wanted to get away. His Shadraius gene responded to this, and since it was night(and he was covered in shadows), he literally "got away", being transported a mile away from the tribe, on a road. He did not know what happened, but since he got his wish, he walked down the road. All he ever did was walk away...

Since he realized the tribe would find him to accomplish there mission, he forced himself to be more anti-social than before, knowing that anyone..anything..could be a tribesman.

Hell yeah :Idea:
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Haro
Aug 27 2008, 12:27 PM
Sleka
Aug 26 2008, 04:57 PM


Bio: No one ever knew where he was born, some say he was never born, they say hes the prince of shadows but some people know when he was born( unfinished)




Quote:
 
Name: Zora
Uhh, idk.

Quote:
 
Age: 19
same.

Quote:
 
Appearance: red and white hedgehog, white turns red when mad. 4 huge claws come out from his knuckles, his head spikes twist together and then untwist occasionally, he has a neclase with a rubie on it
Fine, but wtf @ the "red fur when mad". That's really a big failer, and t'is very unoriginal...The necklace is fine.

Quote:
 
Highest speed: about 45 (sonics speed)
1. Sonic goes around 750 MPH at his fastest, 2. Making any type of character at/over a real character's level of something = Epic fail. Sonic IS the world's fastest, that cannot change...

Quote:
 
IQ: 98
I guess he isn't the brightest man in the world...

Quote:
 
DOB: Feb 29, 1998
k.

Quote:
 
Personality: anti-social, Rarely Ever Seen In Daylight, never goes anywhere near large crowds.
The rarely seen in the daytime/anti-social attitude is so cookie cutter/overused, btw...

Quote:
 
Friends: No One
Same as personality.

Quote:
 
Lives: nowhere, he is everywhere and nowhere at the same time
That sounded like you tried to make him sound cool, you coulda just said "He has no specific home, but he travels around."

Quote:
 
Shadow Tele: when in the shadows, can teleport to areas within 1 mile, makes him very dizzy

Very godmodded, considering he is rarely in the daylight and shadows are everywhere...he can literally just run away to a distance that no regular thing, even a superfast furrie, can get to. Since by the time they get there, which is at most 5 minutes, he could just tele again.

Quote:
 
Quick Flame claws: Claws turn on fire and starts slicing Victim Rapidly.
Good I guess, but has nothing to do with Shadows like his previous attack.


Quote:
 
Chaos Claws: Claws Glow with the power of chaos, increasing Damage 10x, makes him extreamly tired.

Please no chaos powers...

Quote:
 
Stealth: can dissaper into the shadows, but makes him very dizzy
Godmodded...since if he dissapeared it wouldn't matter if he's dizzy...

Quote:
 
Bio: No one ever knew where he was born, some say he was never born, they say hes the prince of shadows but some people know when he was born( unfinished)
...lol. Prince of Shadows? They say he was never born? He is no god...Plus Prince of Shadows = One of the most cookie cutter/overused things a character could be...

It could be better if it was like...He was born from a civilization that was long ago banished by another tribe since they awaited the one who carried the Shadraius gene. The one was born a bit too late, since there rival tribe already killed all of his tribe. They took him away, and raised him. As he grew, he adapted to his new tribe's customs. Since they were ruthless, as you know since they killed his home tribe, he took on this trait, and is very anti-social. Around the age of 14, he already realized his Shadaius gene, which allowed him to manipulate many aspects of reality, like Darkness and Fire. He walked into a tribe room after awakening, hearing the tribesmen talk about how they'll use him to rule the <Unknown town/world> with an iron fist. He did NOT like being used, and he honestly just wanted to get away. His Shadraius gene responded to this, and since it was night(and he was covered in shadows), he literally "got away", being transported a mile away from the tribe, on a road. He did not know what happened, but since he got his wish, he walked down the road. All he ever did was walk away...

Since he realized the tribe would find him to accomplish there mission, he forced himself to be more anti-social than before, knowing that anyone..anything..could be a tribesman.

Hell yeah :Idea:
I thought, even outside of his super transormation, Sonic was able to break the sound-barrier, which, last time I checked, is WAY faster than just 750 mph. :\
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He can break it only in his super form. He can ALMOST break it in his regular form.
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Um listen here, we have a thing called creativity here, if he wants to be faster than Sonic than let him be, but he has to have some weakness, why? well because he wants to think outside the box. He really doesn't need to compare his speed to no one else, if he likes it can be 800 mph, I don't care, all I want to see is how he obtained that speed, and also his weakness. So yeah, no one here pretty much has the right to say your speed cannot surpass Sonic's, it's like saying all of your characters cannot punch no one because street fighter can only do the punchs, and no one else should be able to use energy because DBZ, YYH had them in the first place.

But you do need to work on the profile =/

History needs to be more destailed, yeah I have heard the prince of shadows many times before, but who knows if you think hard you might make me see some intrest in your character.

Oh and here is a small idea on how he should be fast :]

He can have the power of moving around the shadows, so in other words, he can got where the shadows lead him. For example, if it's night time, and you are on a race than all you have to do is simply enter the darkness, and let it lead you to the finish line in a few seconds, but of course your weak point for doing that could be... not being able to attack while using it? =/
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Sep 8 2008, 12:53 PM
Um listen here, we have a thing called creativity here, if he wants to be faster than Sonic than let him be, but he has to have some weakness, why? well because he wants to think outside the box. He really doesn't need to compare his speed to no one else, if he likes it can be 800 mph, I don't care, all I want to see is how he obtained that speed, and also his weakness. So yeah, no one here pretty much has the right to say your speed cannot surpass Sonic's, it's like saying all of your characters cannot punch no one because street fighter can only do the punchs, and no one else should be able to use energy because DBZ, YYH had them in the first place.

But you do need to work on the profile =/

History needs to be more destailed, yeah I have heard the prince of shadows many times before, but who knows if you think hard you might make me see some intrest in your character.

Oh and here is a small idea on how he should be fast :]

He can have the power of moving around the shadows, so in other words, he can got where the shadows lead him. For example, if it's night time, and you are on a race than all you have to do is simply enter the darkness, and let it lead you to the finish line in a few seconds, but of course your weak point for doing that could be... not being able to attack while using it? =/
I think a better weakness in your example would possibly be like you can do it safely for only 10 seconds at a time, otherwise your body starts to deteriorate. It's just a thought. ^_^
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