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| Academy XIII RP Training; This is our school. Come here to learn. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 31 2008, 11:43 AM (13,548 Views) | |
| Phoenix-Saturn | Jun 11 2011, 01:46 PM Post #361 |
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i just wwant to be beautiful for this one month
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Grammar: 70/100. Nothing new from Lil's first judging, really. But I would really run this through spellcheck because a lot of the grammatical mini-pits you fall into are easily fixable. Background Description: 80/100. Your background description was there, and I could imagine where the action was taking place. Environmental Use: 65/100. With the interaction here, this really could have been happening anywhere. While not bad, it didn't really add to the story in any way. Adaptation to Lesson: 80/100. No complaints, though I wish you'd mention how exactly the girl managed to fall off the roof. Entertainment: 75/100. Again, no complains, but there wasn't any flow, and the action itself was a bit choppy, so I didn't really get immersed in what was going on. Overall Achievement: 75/100, you passed. On to lesson 4. Spoiler: click to toggle
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i'm actually really sorry bout this unfashionably late as alwways ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I... Am... THE WEREHOG SUPPORTER! MUHAHAHAHA! *Howl* | |
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| CFood | Jul 2 2011, 11:05 AM Post #362 |
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Character Select
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I need the practice, so why not, I'll do this. Name: Razz Gender: Male Apparent Age: 18 Actual Age: 16 Species: Echidna Appearance: ![]() Personality: He likes music and likes to make music. He's an easy going guy even though he might look tough to others. Skills/Powers: When he plays his ocarina, and plays certain tunes it has a magical effect. His trumpet can also cause damage while playing. His pocket-knife is like an extension of his arm. Equipment: Trumpet, ocarina, and a pocket-knife Strengths: Fighting with a pocket-knife, stealth, and balancing. Weaknesses: Getting up, jumping, and running. History: Ever since Razz was young, he had a thing for music, he loved to listen to it. When he got older, he started to play and make music. Now he uses music to his advantage for fighting. |
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| Team Sonic | Jul 13 2011, 06:35 AM Post #363 |
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Character Select
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Sweet!!!
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| Team Sonic | |
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| L Dragon | Jul 13 2011, 09:48 AM Post #364 |
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Chaos Emerald
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First, we have a three word per post rule. Posting one word is considered spam. Second, saying 'sweet' doesn't clarify anything. Please do not post anything if all your going to say is 'sweet.' It is considered spam since its not pertaining to anything at all, not to mention its unneeded. Third, you're new here so this is your first verbal warning. Do not spam topics or you will get a real warn. Receiving a certain amount of warns will get you banned. ===================== CFood, I'd like for you to explain more about his instrument playing and how playing the trumpet can cause damage. As for everyone else, please hang tight, I'll review these soon. |
![]() Sonic Blast Fated Kingdom Fanfic Members/Chara Data-Base Chapter 1: Otogi | Chapter 2: Claws, Rifle, and Wind Chain | Chapter 3: Crimson, Psychic, and Mage Chain | Chapter 4: Eclipse Blossom | Chapter 5: Death Chain | Chapter 6: Royal Blood | Chapter 7: Cold Chain | Chapter 8: Siege | Chapter 9: Memories of Old Kingdom | Chapter 10: Tactic, Purge, and the Fight | Chapter 11: Four Shadows | Chapter 12: Three Letters | Chapter 13: Two Sources Sonic Blast Madness Fanfic Chapter 1: Openly Close | Chapter 2: Kamelot Tol-e-maC | Chapter 3: Found Lost | Chapter 4: Reaper What You Soul | Chapter 5: Openly Reapers in Lost Tolemac | Chapter 6: Follow the Reaper | Chapter 7: Don't Follow the Reaper | Chapter 8: Fight Yourself, Die Yourself | Chapter 9: Masquerader Massacre | Chapter 10: THE Enemy | Chapter 11: Gulliver | Chapter 12: Finally, Unlimited Madness | Chapter 12: Finally, Loki's Madness(alternate ending) I'm totes a guy~ Kota: I hereby dub thee, Swolverine~ | |
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| Team Sonic | Jul 13 2011, 10:23 AM Post #365 |
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Character Select
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Sorry I'm new here but I am working on a new game on my pc but it's goin slow..... Well ill be leaving now bye!!
Edited by Team Sonic, Jul 13 2011, 10:27 AM.
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| Team Sonic | |
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| CFood | Jul 17 2011, 08:23 PM Post #366 |
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Character Select
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Ok, it's kind of a Sonic Underground type deal... The playing is used for magic type stuff. The ocarina is basically an LoZ rip-off ![]() Trumpet: Sonic Boom: When Razz plays his trumpet at Triple Forte Yami makes a loud booming noise that breaks the sound barrier, which henceforth creates a sonic boom, while still sounding lovely. (Causes the enemies to lose hearing, really useful against an opponent that listens to there surroundings) Darts: When Razz blows without playing and stops the air, Yami sends a dart through the trumpet. Earthquake: When Razz plays and points to the ground an earthquake starts to happen causing things to fall over and break. Ocarina: Song of Sleep: When played it causes enemies to get drowsy and lose energy. Song of Awakening: Used to revive and restore energy. (Mostly for partners) Requiem of the Spirit: Used to contact dead people. (I also picked them because I actually play them in real life. )
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| Wallace | Jul 17 2011, 11:33 PM Post #367 |
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Break out the L-word. The other L-word.
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Alright, I figure I should finally give this a shot. Here's a character bio I wrote up for it: Bill von Awsum Name kinda sucks, I know, but I can't be bothered to change it. :P |
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| L Dragon | Jul 18 2011, 04:21 AM Post #368 |
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Chaos Emerald
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Bill is accepted. Here is your first lesson Lesson 1 You are set upon an island. Someone oppose you with a momentary threat. "Leave this island at once. Or you will fall like those who didn't follow our advice." So what is your response on this. Try and add a good enough comment that will leave success. Goal = Describe your surroundings as best you can ============= CFood, I'd ask that you put some heavy restrictions on the trumpet of death. For one, I'd change it so that the Sonic Boom is more like a sound wave attack, to which, who ever is in front of the trumpet and is within so many feet of the trumpet would get blown away OR temporary be 'paralyzed' because the sound hurts. However, there should be a down side to your character, something like he can't use it often cause it makes him winded or out of breath. I will not accept the whole dart thing. Its not needed and it seems like your just throwing stuff in just cause. Earthquake bit is too strong. I recommend that he'd have to play a long series of notes in order to activate said attack. Even so, an earthquake is too much, I wont accept it. The Ocarina is also a concern. Once again, I'd recommend that a long series of notes be played in order to activate any of the 'attacks.' Also, that they only take affect once the series of long notes(or song) is completed. Should your character be interrupted, he'd have to start all over again. Fix those things and we'll go from there. ===================== To everyone else If everyone that wants to continue this can please pm me the page and/or post number of their post that needs to be graded, that would be a big help. I'll get as many as I can done and post them in one shot. I know if I just do one or two it will take me a bit to do the rest, so mine as well take them all out in one shot. |
![]() Sonic Blast Fated Kingdom Fanfic Members/Chara Data-Base Chapter 1: Otogi | Chapter 2: Claws, Rifle, and Wind Chain | Chapter 3: Crimson, Psychic, and Mage Chain | Chapter 4: Eclipse Blossom | Chapter 5: Death Chain | Chapter 6: Royal Blood | Chapter 7: Cold Chain | Chapter 8: Siege | Chapter 9: Memories of Old Kingdom | Chapter 10: Tactic, Purge, and the Fight | Chapter 11: Four Shadows | Chapter 12: Three Letters | Chapter 13: Two Sources Sonic Blast Madness Fanfic Chapter 1: Openly Close | Chapter 2: Kamelot Tol-e-maC | Chapter 3: Found Lost | Chapter 4: Reaper What You Soul | Chapter 5: Openly Reapers in Lost Tolemac | Chapter 6: Follow the Reaper | Chapter 7: Don't Follow the Reaper | Chapter 8: Fight Yourself, Die Yourself | Chapter 9: Masquerader Massacre | Chapter 10: THE Enemy | Chapter 11: Gulliver | Chapter 12: Finally, Unlimited Madness | Chapter 12: Finally, Loki's Madness(alternate ending) I'm totes a guy~ Kota: I hereby dub thee, Swolverine~ | |
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| Wallace | Jul 18 2011, 11:28 AM Post #369 |
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Break out the L-word. The other L-word.
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Lesson 1 You are set upon an island. Someone oppose you with a momentary threat. "Leave this island at once. Or you will fall like those who didn't follow our advice." So what is your response on this. Try and add a good enough comment that will leave success. Goal = Describe your surroundings as best you can. As Bill stepped off the rowboat, he turned to see his luxurious yacht traveling away from the island that he had arrived on. He had specifically ordered them to leave as soon as his rowboat reached a safe distance away, and to not return until after three days. If the rumors about who might be living in this island are true, he didn't need any mortal eyes to see what might take place. Only very few of his mortal servants know of his true identity, and even then they will never know all. His eyes didn't linger on the ocean he had just arrived from for long. He was a busy man, and time spent thinking about the past was usually wasted time. As he finally looked away from the ocean, and towards the island on which he had found himself, he noticed that it seemed most of this island was rain forest. Many, many trees filled the center, with a ring of beach surrounding it, which is where he was located. As this was a volcanic island, there was a small, dormant volcanic mountain in the very center of the island. There had not been a eruption in two hundred and fifty years, according to his research. But this didn't concern him in the slightest. This was not significant whatsoever to his current goal. Most of the trees seemed to be palm, at least the ones on the outskirts of the forest. Perhaps there was more diversity deeper into the island. But then again, the scenery wasn't of his concern. He walked briskly past the skittering crustaceans that littered the beach, towards the tree line. A voice called out from ahead. It took a moment to realize that one of the trees was not a tree at all. It was a tall man clad in armor made from palm bark, and a headdress adorned with palm needles. "Leave this island at once," the low, raspy voice of the man called out, "Or you will fall like those who didn't follow our advice." Bill was slightly puzzled for a moment, but he didn't show it on his face. This was one of the natives, who were rumored to be cannibals. Bill didn't care much for hearsay, and disregarded the tidbit about cannibalism. After the brief confusion, he allowed a slight grin to crawl across his face. "Terribly sorry," he started in his usual monotone voice, "But I believe you must have mistaken me for someone who cares." Bill started to walk at the same pace as before towards the man. As he did so, he put his right hand into the left side of his suit's jacket. When he was about ten feet away, he pulled out his hand, and a loaded 9mm handgun came with it. He pointed it at the man's head lazily and pulled the trigger. He crouched next to the mans body, which would not be going cold anytime soon due to the warm, tropical weather in which the island was accustomed. A small bracelet was on his left wrist, which had small trinkets of some sort attached. After closer examination, these trinkets were discovered to be keys. Three, to be exact: all of which were ordinary in appearance, and wouldn't be easily told apart if it weren't for the slightly different colors of metal and size. Bill took each key and placed them in his left pocket, and then returned his handgun to the left side of his jacket. The brief interruption would not keep him from what he came here to do. He continued walking, at a pace even more urgent than the previous, into the forest. |
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| Wenthehedgehog | Jul 31 2011, 01:45 PM Post #370 |
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Hydrocity Act 1
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Name: Sarah Rose the Hedgehog Gender: Female Apparent Age: 17 or 18 Actual Age: 17 Species: Hedgehog Appearance: Pink with upturned spikes, pink flip flops, a red shirt similar to Amy Rose's dress but with out the skirt, white gloves, blue jeans, yellow eyes, small ears, and hair with bangs that cover one of her eyes. ![]() Personality: nice, fun loving, smart, easily made happy, likeable, and doesn't get mad easily. Skills/Powers: Piko Piko Hammer, Spin Dash, Hammer Spin, Hammer Tornado, Homing Attack, and super transformation Equipment: Just her cute self, her fists, and her feet Strengths: tough, very good at fighting, charming, and fast Weaknesses: distracted easily during fighting, when she gets tired she loses strength, gets tired easily |
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| L Dragon | Aug 1 2011, 09:34 AM Post #371 |
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Chaos Emerald
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Denied. Your powers/abilities are too similar to Sonic/Amy. Also, I do not allow super forms, dark forms, or any other form that has to do with powering up or become god-mod like. Transforming into a creature or beast is fine, for that can be tossed under shape-shifting. Anyways, fix your character's powers. Lastly, your strengthens and weaknesses should be more combat based. |
![]() Sonic Blast Fated Kingdom Fanfic Members/Chara Data-Base Chapter 1: Otogi | Chapter 2: Claws, Rifle, and Wind Chain | Chapter 3: Crimson, Psychic, and Mage Chain | Chapter 4: Eclipse Blossom | Chapter 5: Death Chain | Chapter 6: Royal Blood | Chapter 7: Cold Chain | Chapter 8: Siege | Chapter 9: Memories of Old Kingdom | Chapter 10: Tactic, Purge, and the Fight | Chapter 11: Four Shadows | Chapter 12: Three Letters | Chapter 13: Two Sources Sonic Blast Madness Fanfic Chapter 1: Openly Close | Chapter 2: Kamelot Tol-e-maC | Chapter 3: Found Lost | Chapter 4: Reaper What You Soul | Chapter 5: Openly Reapers in Lost Tolemac | Chapter 6: Follow the Reaper | Chapter 7: Don't Follow the Reaper | Chapter 8: Fight Yourself, Die Yourself | Chapter 9: Masquerader Massacre | Chapter 10: THE Enemy | Chapter 11: Gulliver | Chapter 12: Finally, Unlimited Madness | Chapter 12: Finally, Loki's Madness(alternate ending) I'm totes a guy~ Kota: I hereby dub thee, Swolverine~ | |
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| Wenthehedgehog | Aug 16 2011, 06:44 AM Post #372 |
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Hydrocity Act 1
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dude she's Amy's long lost sister. she should have abilities similar to Amy. Nothing much changes in her super form anyway. But if you don't allow it I'll change it.Name: Sarah Rose the Hedgehog Gender: Female Apparent Age: 18 Actual Age: 17 Species: Hedgehog Appearance: Pink with upturned spikes, pink flip flops, a red shirt similar to Amy Rose's dress but with out the skirt, white gloves, blue jeans, yellow eyes, small ears, and hair with bangs that cover one of her eyes. ![]() Personality: nice, fun loving, smart, easily made happy, likeable, and doesn't get mad easily. Skills/Powers: fighting expert, ability to control air, great agility Equipment: her fists, her feet, anything on her fists and feet, and the air around her Strengths: tough, very good at fighting, charming, and fast. Weaknesses: inexperienced in controlling air, weak to lightning-based attacks, weak to earth-based attacks, can't fight as well when in certain levels of pain Is that better? the weak to lightning-based attacks is what she's most weak against. Lightning-based attacks can make her drop to her knees in pain. It can make her in so much pan that she can hardly move, which does affect her physical combat and elemental combat because she controls air with hand gestures, not her mind. And if she can't move she can't fight. If she's in a certain level of pain, she can't fight as well. She's not as weak to earth but she is weak to it and it can affect her combat if she gets hit with enough earth-based attacks. So yeah. The inexperienced thing affects her elemental combat because she can't do any strong leveled air attacks. Her air attacks are only at level 2 at the moment. But, she's not really an elemental person, so yeah. Edited by Wenthehedgehog, Aug 16 2011, 06:45 AM.
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| Ellis | Aug 16 2011, 08:10 AM Post #373 |
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Pint of real ale please squire!
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If this is still active, i think i'd like a crack at some lessons please. Feel a little rusty in the writing department. Spoiler: click to toggle
Edited by Ellis, Aug 16 2011, 10:08 AM.
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![]() ![]() ♫ Bad news travels like a wild fox, good travels slow. And they call me 'ol wild fox cuz everywhere i go lord i'm bad news♫ Knowledge is knowing a tomatoe is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. | |
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| Wenthehedgehog | Aug 16 2011, 09:36 AM Post #374 |
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Hydrocity Act 1
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I have a new fan character. Name: Drake Gender: Male Apparant Age: 15 to 16 Actual Age: 16 Species: Hedgebat Appearance: red with upturned spikes and three hairs coming our of his forehead, black skull T-shirt, sunglasses, skull tattoo on his left arm, gloves with Inhibitor Rings in order to keep his fire power under control, skate shoes like shadow, blue jeans, two studded belts ![]() Personality: nice, quick to fight, easily made angry, normally happy, very social Skills/Powers: ability to control fire, when he turns 18 he will grow wings for flying, sonic top speed Equipment: sometimes carries an AK-47 or a flamethrower, but this is very rare Strengths: agile, fast, strong against ice-based attacks, and can do very well against an ice elemental Weaknesses: very weak to Water-based attacks, does horribly against water elemental people, he doesn't have complete control over fire (that's why he has Inhibitor Rings and is still training with Blaze. His Inhibitor Rings are so his fire can't become too powerful and kill him.) Edited by Wenthehedgehog, Aug 16 2011, 09:36 AM.
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| L Dragon | Aug 16 2011, 12:41 PM Post #375 |
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Chaos Emerald
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@ Wen: Both characters are still disapproved. Also, read the rules, only one character per-person. Also, having Sonic's speed is god-moding, it will not be allowed. ================== @ Speedy: You're accepted. Here is your first lesson. You are set upon an island. Someone oppose you with a momentary threat. "Leave this island at once. Or you will fall like those who didn't follow our advice." So what is your response on this. Try and add a good enough comment that will leave success. Goal = Describe your surroundings as best you can ===================== As for everyone else, please hang tight, I'll get to you guys soon... Hopefully. |
![]() Sonic Blast Fated Kingdom Fanfic Members/Chara Data-Base Chapter 1: Otogi | Chapter 2: Claws, Rifle, and Wind Chain | Chapter 3: Crimson, Psychic, and Mage Chain | Chapter 4: Eclipse Blossom | Chapter 5: Death Chain | Chapter 6: Royal Blood | Chapter 7: Cold Chain | Chapter 8: Siege | Chapter 9: Memories of Old Kingdom | Chapter 10: Tactic, Purge, and the Fight | Chapter 11: Four Shadows | Chapter 12: Three Letters | Chapter 13: Two Sources Sonic Blast Madness Fanfic Chapter 1: Openly Close | Chapter 2: Kamelot Tol-e-maC | Chapter 3: Found Lost | Chapter 4: Reaper What You Soul | Chapter 5: Openly Reapers in Lost Tolemac | Chapter 6: Follow the Reaper | Chapter 7: Don't Follow the Reaper | Chapter 8: Fight Yourself, Die Yourself | Chapter 9: Masquerader Massacre | Chapter 10: THE Enemy | Chapter 11: Gulliver | Chapter 12: Finally, Unlimited Madness | Chapter 12: Finally, Loki's Madness(alternate ending) I'm totes a guy~ Kota: I hereby dub thee, Swolverine~ | |
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11:44 PM Jul 24
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dude she's Amy's long lost sister. she should have abilities similar to Amy. Nothing much changes in her super form anyway. But if you don't allow it I'll change it.




11:44 PM Jul 24