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- Act IV: Artist's Showcase Yard
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- The Darkness Within:Dark Armageddon
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| The Darkness Within:Dark Armageddon; Sonic's dark side is unleashed | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 28 2008, 06:59 AM (4,143 Views) | |
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Jul 28 2008, 06:59 AM Post #1 |
Fires of rage
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CHAPTER 1:THE SUNSET AND THE STARS IN THE NIGHT SKY Everything was peaceful.Eggman hasn't tried to take over the world eversince.As usual,Sonic was sitting at a hill overlooking the sunset. Sonic was pretty lonely.Amy Rose suddenly walks up to him."Hey,Sonic."Amy Rose says to him."Hey,Amy.Enjoying yourself?"Sonic asks her."Yeah.Good thing the world's not in peril anymore."Amy says."Yup.Life is good."Sonic inhales and exhales."The sunset sure is beautiful today."Amy Rose was really peaceful."Like you--i mean,yeah!Beautiful sunset."Sonic was blushing really hard.Sonic could smell her perfume.He had butterflies in his stomache.Sonic couldn't stop staring at her emerald green eyes and her shiny pink hair."Well,i should go.See ya tomorrow,Sonic."Amy leaves Sonic to himself.Sonic had tears in his eyes."Bye....Amy."Sonic lies down on the ground. Later that night. Sonic was looking at the night sky.The stars were sparkling bright.Then,the stars made the shape of Amy.Sonic sighs.Sonic walked to his house,ate a snack and went to bed.2 hours later,Sonic was having a nightmare.Sonic wakes up all sweaty and was breathing in fear.He holds on to his heart."I've been having nightmares for months.I need help."Sonic was really scared.He went back to sleep.Hopefully he doesn't get another nightmare. The Next Day. Sonic washes his face and heads out the door.Sonic goes to Amy's house.He knocks.She answers. "Hey,Sonic!"She was excited to see him."Hey,Amy.Listen,i'm kinda bored today,so...you wanna hang out at the beach?"Sonic asks her."Sure."Amy goes to the beach with Sonic.They were very peaceful.Sonic couldn't stop staring at her sparkling emerald green eyes,her shiny pink hair and the way her hair moves with the wind.Suddenly,Sonic had butterflies in his stomache.They stayed there for a few hours.Sonic took Amy home and he went to his house. Later that Night. Sonic was having his horrible nightmares again.Sonic screams in terror."Dang,these nightmares!I can't take it no more!"Sonic was breathing really hard and his heart was beating fast.He didn't want to go back to sleep. So he went to take a walk outside."I still may be very dark,but i can handle it."Sonic thought to himself. He passed by Amy's house.He looks through her window and sees her sleeping peacefully.Sonic grinned and kept walking. Stay tuned for Chapter 2: Dark Awakening. |
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Jul 28 2008, 02:20 PM Post #2 |
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Fires of rage
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CHAPTER 2: DARK AWAKENING Sonic was walking down the dark lane at night.Sonic was getting pretty worried.He heard strange noises. Moans,groans,bushes rustling."H-hello?Is anyone there?Come out and show yourself!"Sonic looks around. "Oh,man!I should've known walking at night was a bad idea!I gotta get back!"Sonic runs as fast as he could, but he was completely lost.He hears a sudden roaring sound.Sonic gets more scared.He now hears a scary chuckle."Who's there?!"Sonic balls up his fists.He sees a dark figure come out the ground."No....No!It can't be!"Sonic sees an old Dark Lord.Mephiles the Dark."Yeah,that's right,Sonic!I'm back to kill you!"Mephiles threatens."I don't know how you got out the Scepter of Darkness,but i'm gonna send you back!So,who let you out?!"Sonic demands an answer."I did."Another dark figure comes out."Well,if it isn't ol' Black Doom. What a surprise.Want me to kick your butt?Ok,if you insist."Sonic charges at the both of them.Black Doom grabs his foot,throws him and Mephiles grabs his neck and pins him down."What're you waiting for?Kill me!Amy will avenge me!And you'll be sorry!"Sonic struggles to get out of Mephiles' grip."I'm not gonna actually kill you.I came here to help you."Mephiles says."Help me?What you mean by that?"Sonic wonders,confused. "We know you love Amy Rose.And we can help you get her."Mephiles promises."I don't think so!I can get her myself!I don't need an ugly demon thing like you to love someone!You might as well forget it!"Sonic spits it back in his face.Mephiles' eyes turn bright red.Sonic was in a foggy place filled with nothing but illusion.Sonic then sees a vision.A vision of the future."What's this?What am i looking at?"Sonic asks."Are you blind?There's your true love!"Mephiles yells."Who's that with her?Is that me?"Sonic asks."Yes.And that little kid there in the middle...that's your son."Mephiles explains."So you're saying,i'm a dad?"Sonic asks.He was extremely surprised by the sight of this."Yes.12 months from now."Mephiles says."But there's a catch."Mephiles tells him."What's that?"Sonic asks."Shadow betrays you,kills your family and takes over the world along with your dear sister Sonia."Mephiles explains.Sonic's pupils shrunk and his eyes widened."No.I don't believe you!Shadow's my friend!He'll never do anything like that!It can't be true!"Sonic disapproves."It's true,Sonic."Mephiles.Sonic gets very mad.He attacks Mephiles and fights him.Mephiles grabs him by the neck."Listen,if you want to save Amy and your future son's life,you'll have to kill Shadow. Or we'll kill her ourselves.Your choice."Mephiles threatens."I--I....*a tear comes out his eye.*Fine.I'll work for you.Just help me save Amy's life."Sonic's voice starts breaking and he was about to cry."As you wish.Now bow down before me."Mephiles orders him.Sonic bows down on his knees.Mephiles chuckles evily.Black Doom does the same.They hear another chuckle."This is gotta see."Sonic hears a familiar voice."Is that.....EGGMAN?!"Sonic gets surprised.Eggman chuckles evily.Sonic gets really mad.Mephiles uses his dark power to turn Sonic into.....EVIL DARK SUPER SONIC."Now,my servant,go forth and destroy anyone that stands in your way."Mephiles orders him."Yes....Master."EVIL DARK SUPER SONIC obeys with a demonic voice. NEXT:CHAPTER 3: DARK SONIC'S RAMPAGE. Edited by Thrash, Jul 28 2008, 09:21 PM.
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| Tux | Jul 28 2008, 07:50 PM Post #3 |
Donning the Outfit
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Hmm, a fresh breath of air is needed here. ---Paragraphs need to be spaced between dialogue of two or more characters. It's cool if it's the same person talking; not cool if their dialogue is bunched up in one. ---Clusters; must rid of them to avoid harsh treatment on readers' eyes. ---Add emotion and gestures to the characters, give 'em life. Everyone's their own personality and needs to have some kind of life in 'em to truly know how they act in life. Plus, comedy never hurted anyone, hee. ---Add more to what is going on around the character's surroundings. Let readers know how the characters feel, so that they will feel the same emotion, or close to it. Keep trying and you'll improve with each and every step. |
 GOT THE WHOLE WORLD AHEAD OF YA, KID. | |
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Jul 28 2008, 08:54 PM Post #4 |
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Fires of rage
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Ok.Thanks for the advice.This is better advice than on Sonic Earth.Plus,no one's a jerk here.I think i found paradise.Well,i'm off to re-write the 2nd chapter.Thanks Tux Coyote. |
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Aug 3 2008, 06:41 AM Post #5 |
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Fires of rage
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Chapter 3:The Darkness Rises. The Next Day. Sonic was back in his bed.He hears a knock on his door.He goes downstairs and answers it. "Hey,Sonic."Shadow was at his door.Sonic suddenly puches him in the face.Sending the black hedgehog flying. "What was that for?You crazy?!"Shadow shouts at him,confused."Traitor!"Sonic yells."What do you mean by, 'traitor'?"Shadow was even more confused."DIE,Shadow!"Sonic raises up his hand and unleashes a beam at Shadow.The beam clears and Shadow was nowhere in sight."I know you're there!Come out,Shadow!"Sonic was eager to kill Shadow. "I have no idea what you're problem is,but it's time to put an end to this right now!"Shadow jumps out from behind and kicks Sonic into a boulder.Sonic gets up and turns around with a bloody nose."You're gonna regret that."Sonic had a demonic voice behind his normal voice."What the--!!"Shadow was getting really worried now.Sonic suddenly had black auras coming out from the ground."Now to unleash my real power!!!" Sonic started turning darkness black,this time not with white eyes.But with fire red eyes. Shadow was very surprised.He charges at Evil Dark Sonic."Chaos--!!!!!"Shadow tried to make a move,but Evil Dark Sonic was too fast.He punches him straight in the stomache.He slaps him and uses a death beam on him.He sends him flying.Evil Dark Sonic growls.He walks away to another location."Now to go and destroy my dear sister......Sonia."Evil Dark Sonic headed to Sonia's house with and evil chuckle. Don't touch that dial! The Darkness Within Chapter 3:The Darkness Rises part 2 is next. Edited by Thrash, Aug 3 2008, 05:26 PM.
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| Tux | Aug 5 2008, 08:39 PM Post #6 |
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Donning the Outfit
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Changes are in bold, have been spaced out, suggestions for new words and the whole latter. Oh and your sentences experience run-on; you should look into that matter more. Other than that, nice what's going on here. Edited by Tux, Aug 5 2008, 08:40 PM.
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GOT THE WHOLE WORLD AHEAD OF YA, KID. | |
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Aug 21 2008, 12:45 PM Post #7 |
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Fires of rage
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Give me some time to write some more chapters.I gotta think of some new stuff for this story. |
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Aug 24 2008, 10:49 AM Post #8 |
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Fires of rage
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CHAPTER 4:HEDGEHOG BRAWL. He was heading towards the beach where Sonia was. THE BEACH. "Sonia!"Dark Sonic yells. "Hey,Sonic!"Sonia tries to hug him,but he throws her on her motorbike. "What in the hell is wrong with you,Sonic?!"Sonia was really confused.She gets pulled by his dark hand grip. He starts choking her almost to death.Till Shadow came to rescue to save his girlfriend. "Let Sonia go,Sonic!CHAOS SPEAR!!!!!"Shadow used Chaos Spear on his back.Dark Sonic let her go when he got hit.But he didn't seem to be hurt much.He was practically bleeding.Sonia runs to Shadow. "Shadow!Something's wrong with Sonic!He's acting weird!"Sonia was really scared.She starts crying on his chest. "It's okay,Sonia.Listen to me.Run to your house and stay there.Don't worry,i'll come back for you and take you to a safer location.I promise."Shadow cheers her up.She looks into his bright scarlet eyes. "Oh,Shadow....."Sonia kisses him on the lips.He eyes widened and she stomache suddenly has butterflies. "Now go!"Shadow tells her. "I love you."Sonia tells him with love in her heart and she has tears coming from her eyes. "I love you,too."Shadow smiles at her.Sonia runs back to her house as fast as she could. "Shadow......you do realize i can't be defeated right?"Dark Sonic says. "That's what you think."Shadow says.He jumps up uses Chaos Spear over and over again.Dark Sonic keeps dodging by teleporting. "Oh,come on!Chaos spear is getting so old,dude!Use a real move."Dark Sonic tauns him. "Ok.You asked for it!"Shadow runs towards him really fast."Chaos Control."Shadow freezes time.And then.... "Now....CHAOS.....BLAST!!!!!!"Shadow uses his most powerful move.Dark Sonic was hurt really bad. "Nice move,but there's one thing."Dark Sonic suddenly started to heal himself. "Oh,damn!I almost didn't see that coming!"Shadow was surprised. :smad: Dark Sonic grabbed Sonia's motorbike and slams Shadow with it.Shadow was getting weak.They way Dark Sonic hit was extremely hard. "Now it's my turn!CHAOS LIGHTNING HAVOK RAY!!!!!!!!!"Dark Sonic yells.  Shadow tried to escape by using chaos control,but the emerald won't work anymore. "What's wrong with thise emerald?!!They were working a first time."Shadow was really pissed. "Hahahahaha!!!!DIE,SHADOW!!!!!!!!!"Dark Sonic unleashes the chaos lightning havok ray onto Shadow. He gets hit when he looks back.He was blasted in a large crater.With severe burns,but not a lot of bleeding. He could get treated,but it won't be easy. "One Shadow down.One sister to go."Dark Sonic starts to search for Sonia.What he didn't notice,was that Sonia didn't really go home.She was sitting behind a boulder.When Dark Sonic flew off,she knew the coast was clear.She ran to where Shadow was.She was really worried about him. "Shadow!Shadow!Wake up for me!!Shadow!"Sonia was going to cry.She placed her head on his chest.He was still alive.His heart is still beating. "S-....Sonia?I'm so sorry i failed you."Shadow says knowing he was gonna be ok. "Don't try to talk,Shadow!I'm taking you to a hospital.You're gonna be alright."Sonia grabs her boyfriend and drags him from the crater.She grabs her motorbike and puts him on the back seat,then she takes him to a hospital. IN THE MOBIUS HOSPITAL. Sonia was really scared that her boyfriend wouldn't make it.She talked to the doctor. "He's gonna be fine.Just leave him here for a week.We'll get started on him right away."Doctor Jacob Bumblebee tells her. "Thank you."Sonia thanks him and exits the hospital.She kept thinkin what was wrong with Sonic.He didn't seem like himself.She was really determined to find out.She goes to Amy's house. AMY'S HOUSE. When she got there Amy,Rouge,Cream,Wave ,Marine and Blaze were having some girl time.She knocks on the door really fast and hard.Amy answers. "Hey,Sonia.What's wrong?"Amy asks.Sonia had a sad look in her face. "It's Sonic."Sonia tells her. "What he do?"Amy wanted to know. "I can't say more out here."Sonia says. "Then,come in."Amy lets her in. "Hey,guys."Sonia says hi to her friends.They say hi back. "So,what's the problem?"Amy asks. "Sonic has been acting weird today.When i was at the beach,he suddenly attacked me.Luckily Shadow came and saved me.But Sonic didn't seem like himself.He was completely black with red eyes.And had a demonic voice behind his normal voice.Hearing his voice sent chills down my spine.But something's going on."Sonia explains. "So where's Shadow?"Cream asks her. "He's at the hospital.But the doctor says he's gonna be fine.They were fighting hard."Sonia tells her. "But what i wanna know,is that why would Sonic attack you and Shadow?It doesn't add up."Blaze starts to think. "Well,luckily he doesn't know where i am.I could sleep tonight,but i'm not sure how long it'll last."Sonia says. "You could spend the night with me."Amy insists. "You mean it?Thanks,Amy."Sonia thanks her with a happy tone. "No problem.In fact we could have a sleepover here."Amy suggests. "Sure,mate."Marine was in. "I'm in."Cream was in,too. "Sounds good."Rouge approves. "Wouldn't miss it."Wave loved to. They all slept over at Amy's house.Sonia was hoping that Dark Sonic wouldn't find her.And she was thinkin of Shadow.Hoping he was OK. NEXT IS CHAPTER 5:AN EVIL HEART IS A COLD HEART. Edited by Thrash, Aug 25 2008, 09:07 AM.
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| Lady Miracle | Aug 24 2008, 11:48 AM Post #9 |
[insert something cheerful here]
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Not bad. I like it. Continue when you get the chance and don't worry, there's no pressure. |
 The Muffin Man's wife and a 
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Aug 25 2008, 11:12 AM Post #10 |
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Fires of rage
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NOW CHAPTER 5:AN EVIL HEART IS A COLD HEART The next morning,Sonia woke up.Everyone else was still sleep.Still wondering how Shadow's doing.And scared cause she had a nightmare last night.She gets outta bed and pours herself a cup of coffee.Ate some cereal and brushed her teeth.She then went outside.She suddenly sees Sonic come out his house.She gets really scared. "Stay away!I mean it!I got a frying pan in my hand and i'm not afraid to use it!"Sonia was really provoked by the sight of Sonic. "What're you talking about,Sonia?Why do you have a frying pan in your hand."The regular Sonic was really confused. "But....but you were evil!I saw everything!!"Sonia was freaked out. "Sonia,is everything alright?You're acting weird."  Sonic was very confused by her actions.He steps in front of her."Stay back!I'm warning you!"Sonia raises up the frying pan. "Oh,i get it.You're provoked cause you think i did something evil,right?" Sonic guesses."Yes!"Sonia confirms. "Oh.I'm sorry about that.But the problem is....I'M KIND OF PROVOKED MYSELF!!!!"Sonic turns into Evil Dark Sonic again.  Sonia screams in terror.She tried to hit him but he was too fast.Luckily,the girls heard her screams.They rusehd outside.They were stunned by the sight of this."Sonic?!Is that you?!"Amy was shocked.  "In the dark flesh!Now you guys can see how serious i am now!Now if you'll excuse me,i got a sister to destroy."Dark Sonic was floating in the air having Sonia in a deadly grip. "Not while i'm around!!"Amy jumps up and smacks him with her Piko Piko Hammer.After that hit,Dark Sonic lets go of Sonia.She was coughing hard and trying to catch her breath. "You ok,Sonia?"Amy asks. "I'll be ok."Sonia was still coughing.Dark Sonic had a bloody nose.He flicks it off. "Ohhh,i'm gonna kill you now."Dark Sonic lunges at Amy and Sonia.Suddenly some chaos spears hit Dark Sonic. "Uh?*gasps*Shadow!"Sonia was really excited by the sight of him. "Sonic!I'm telling you one more time to stay away from her!"Shadow demanded. :smad: "You again!I thought i killed you!No matter.I can finish you off easily."Dark Sonic tried to use his CHAOS LIGHTNING HAVOK RAY again,but Rouge used her screw kick on his back to knock him off balance. "I've had enough of this!!!!"Dark Sonic uses a heat seeker missile like spear against Rouge.She tried to shake it.Till someone used a move called Lava Shoot on the dark spear. "What i miss?"Knuckles was the one who used the Lava Shoot. "Knuckles!"Cream was excited. "I'm not the only one here."Knuckles says.Espio,Vector,Charmy,Mighty,Silver,and Tails was with him. "Sonic?!What's going on?!"Tails was really shocked by this. "None of your buisness,kid!Stay out of this!"Dark Sonic gets really mad.Espio uses his shuriken storm on Dark Sonic.But he reflects it. "Damn it!"Espio gets mad.Silver picks up an explosive tank and thows it at Dark Sonic. But he uses dark sheild.Shadow tried to use chaos spear,but he was too weak. "Weakling!"Dark Sonic kicks him in the face.Shadow slams into a wooden crate. "Shadow!"Sonia runs to him.Shadow was bleeding through his nose and mouth."It's okay,Shadow!You're gonna be ok.I'm taking you back to inside."Sonia picks him up with his arm over her shoulder while she's carrying him inside Amy's house.Mighty and Vector lunge at Dark Sonic. "Crater fist!"Mighty shouts. "Dragon breath!"Vector shouts.They both attack him.He gets hit,but he broke his fall by flying straight at Vector with a powerful Darkness Punch. "Vector!That's it!Time to end this now!"Mighty jumps at Dark Sonic. "Supernova fist!!!!!"Mighty tried to hit him,but Dark Sonic quickly catches his punch. "Doesn't anyone realize i can't be defeated by mere mortals?NOW YOU DO REALIZE!!!!" Dark Sonic throws him up in the air and used his CHAOS LIGHTNING HAVOK RAY on Mighty.He comes down and slams into a boulder at a high speed on his back. "Mighty!Fear the power of the flames!!"Blaze uses her ring of fire move in the air. "It's usless,Blaze.I'm indestructible."Dark Sonic then uses his powerful dark slice on her. She falls down to the ground. "Please stop,Sonic!This isn't you!"Amy tried to calm him down.  "You're wrong,Amy!THIS IS ME!!!!"Dark Sonic pushes her away.He uses dark wave on her.He sends her flying.Then he flies away. "Sonic.....why?"She starts to cry. "It's okay,Amy.We'll get him back."Cream cheers her up. "Thanks,Cream."Amy thanks her.She hugs her. CHAPTER 5:LEGION OF MOBIUS is next. Edited by Thrash, Sep 10 2008, 01:22 PM.
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| Lady Miracle | Aug 25 2008, 01:23 PM Post #11 |
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LOL. I liked it. It's very interesting. Keep up the good work. Piece of advice (don't take this the wrong way, it's only to help): give the characters a reason to appear. For example, the girls came out because they heard Sonia scream. Good. But why did Knuckles show up with all those characters? You need to write the reason why did they appeared all of a sudden. Other than that, it's all good. |
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Aug 25 2008, 01:58 PM Post #12 |
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Fires of rage
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I'm glad you llike it.And thanks for the advice.Wanna be friends?I don't have any. |
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| Lady Miracle | Aug 25 2008, 02:06 PM Post #13 |
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[insert something cheerful here]
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Sure, I'm new here too, so I've got no friends right now. I'm pretty good with fanfics so if you ever need some help or anything, feel free to ask. |
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The Muffin Man's wife and a
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Aug 25 2008, 02:10 PM Post #14 |
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Fires of rage
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It's okay.Don't need help.I've been writing fanfics for 2 years and never stopped.So i'm pretty experienced of writing fanfics.But nice to see another new person. |
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Aug 26 2008, 11:06 AM Post #15 |
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Fires of rage
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CHAPTER 6:LEGION OF MOBIUS.(this chapter is kinda fightless,but the next chapter will have action.Forgive me if this is too short.) Mighty,Vector,Shadow and Blaze needed medical attention.So they took them to the Legion of Mobius.They had nurses there.The head chief,Nomak the Rat,was wondering why Sonic was evil.Cause one of his soldiers saw the whole fight. MEDICAL ROOM Mighty had a serious spine injury.Vector's ribs were almost dislocated and Shadow still needed help with his burns and wounds.Luckily the nurses gave Mighty and Vector special cybernetic armor inside their spines and ribs.And after that,they were okay.Even though it was disgusting when they had to do surgery.And one of the nurses gave Shadow special purple stuff called "Vera serum".Then his wounds were healed quickly. WAITING ROOM Sonia was waiting for Shadow.After a few more minutes of waiting,he finally came out the medical room.She was pretty happy to see him fully healed. MEANHWILE WITH SONIC. Sonic was in a faraway forest.Thinking of what he's done.To his sister,Shadow...and most of all...Amy. "I can't do this!That wasn't me back there!I almost killed them back there!I'm not doing this anymore!"Sonic yells.He starts to get struck. "HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING I TOLD YOU ABOUT SHADOW AND SONIA?!THEY'RE THE RULERS OF THIS WORLD!"Mephiles yells in his head. "I don't believe that!And i'm not gonna serve you anymore!I've caused enough havoc!" Sonic defies. "YOU DARE DEIFY ME?!IF YOU DON'T ELIMINATE THOSE TWO,AMY'S GONNA MEET HER DEMISE!!NOW YOU GOT A CHOICE,SERVITUDE TO SAVE HER,OR HER DOOM?"Mephiles makes it hard on Sonic. "I--....i--....servitude....master."Sonic starts to tear. "That's better.Now go to Eggman's lair.He wants to see you."Mephiles tells him.Dark Sonic flies to Eggman's lair for his next assignment. LEGION OF MOBIUS WAR COUNCIL. "At ease!It seems that Eggman has returned!"Nomak speaks.The crowd gets outraged. "We shall nuke him!"Raz the Wolverine yells in a mad voice. "A thousand H-BOMBS!!!"Lycro the Wolf shouts. "Settle down,everyone!Until our soldiers give me more infomation,we'll be able to attack.But we cannot turn this into a world wide war!"Nomak tell everyone. "FORGET INFO!LET'S GO TO WAR!"Raz screams. "SHUT IT,RAZ!"Nomak tells him. "But we got a huge problem."Shadow says. "What is it?"Nomak asks. "Since Sonic is super dark,we might be powerless.But unless..."Shadow thinks. "Unless what?"Nomak asks. "Unless we each of us keep battleing him till his power diminishes."Shadow guesses. "That's so crazy it just might work.?"Nomak asks.The crowd agrees with this too. EGGMAN'S LAIR. Eggman was waiting for Dark Sonic to arrive.After 1 minute,he finally shows up. "So,Sonic.Are you ready for your next assignment?"Eggman asks him with an evil look. "Always ready to serve my masters."Dark Sonic obeys. "Alright.I heard there was a secret war council.And they declare war.So,i want you to go down and eliminate them all!"Eggman assigns him. "As you wish,master."Sonic obeys.He flies to the legion to destroy them. "My dream of building the Eggman Empire will finally come true.HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"Eggman laughs evily. CHAPTER 7: DARK SONIC'S RAMPAGE is coming up next. Remember,the Sonic Holidays Fanfics Madness starts here on Sonic Blast October 1st. Sonic's Creep Fest Season of Giving(Thanksgiving) A Sonic Christmas Story And Sonic Valentine's Day |
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