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- ~Community Night Zone~
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- Act I: Chit-Chat Hangout
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- The =SB= Epic Joke Rating Thread
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| The =SB= Epic Joke Rating Thread; Phunky or Phail, it goes here ^_^ | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 7 2008, 12:35 PM (955 Views) | |
Kitm
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Apr 7 2008, 12:35 PM Post #1 |
Lava Reef Act 1
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Welcome to the =SB= Epic joke thread! Whether it be an epic phail, or an epic phunny, post it here! Warning:All offensive material should contain a warning of some sort! |
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Kitm
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May 5 2008, 01:16 PM Post #46 |
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Lava Reef Act 1
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BUMP. I thought this was too funny. It needed it's own post. Rearrange The Letters DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE GEORGE BUSH : When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE : When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
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| KogaHarine | May 19 2008, 01:55 PM Post #47 |
The Black Swordsman
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Warning Explicit Joke You have been warned Okay so there is this japanese chick having sex well in the middle of it she farts. then she says "me so sorry front hole so happy back hole start laughing." |
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Kitm
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May 26 2008, 01:45 PM Post #48 |
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Lava Reef Act 1
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Juicy Squirt The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!" Chuck Norris If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. |
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| Lord Tora Unlimited Crusader | May 27 2008, 02:40 AM Post #49 |
【The Knight of Tigers 】
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9/10! There are 5 people (not including the pilot, who everyone forgets, I mena, no-one ever stops to think of HIS feelings...) on a plane. Suddenly, the plane starts to crash and there are only 4 parachutes left. Obama runs forward and says "I'm going to be the first black President of the United States! I can't die!", grabs a chute and leaps out. Hilary CLinton runs forward and says "I'm going to be the first woman President of the United States! I can't die!", grabs a chute and leaps out. George Bush run forward and says "I'm the best and smartest President the USA has ever had! I can't die!" grabs a bag and jumps out. The Pope turns to the small child next to him. "I've had a long life," he says, "You take the last parachute." "No need sir," the boy says, "The 'smartest President' just took my school bag." |
 Check out my tumblr, Aggravated Anime-Adoring Australian, where I post all sorts of dumb screencaps and MS Paint edits and generally bitch and moan about stupid otaku shit. ~One third of =SB='s Legendary Australian Trio. The man who surpassed anime fandom and became the Patron Saint of GAR and Moe.~ | |
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| cap | May 27 2008, 03:35 AM Post #50 |
Wired to the moon
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some good jokes I heard. A small two seater helicopter has crashed into a graveyard late last night. So far police have announced at least 40 dead people. (you might want to re-read that if you didn't get it) The local vegtable man died last week. There was a big turnip at his funeral. turnip = turn up. Maybe thats just our accent. |
 I just want to save you while there's still something left to save | |
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Cy-Fox
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May 27 2008, 03:37 AM Post #51 |
We are still watching
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Epic ten of ten. Forest Gump goes to Heaven Well it finally happened. Forest Gump died and went to heaven. But when he got to the gates, they were locked. Saint Peter came out and smiled. "It's good to have you here Forest, but we've gotten a bit overcrowded so new entrants have to pass an intelligence test." "Oh, I don't think I'm very good at tests." Forest said. "It's simple. Only three questions. First, how many days of the week start with the letter T. Then, how many seconds are there in a year, and finally what's God's first name?" Saint Peter has Forest sit down on a bench and think. After awhile, Forest goes back to the gate and Saint Peter comes out. "Well Forest. Are you ready?" "Yes your Saintliness." "All right. What days of the week start with the letter T?" "Well uh..I had to think awhile on that, but I figured it'd be Today and Tomorrow." Saint Peter frowned slightly but then smiled. "I should have been more specific on that, but I'll give it to you. How many seconds are there in a year?" "Twelve." Forest said. "TWELVE?" "Yes sir, January Second, February Second.." "All right. Again, I should have been more specific. I'll give you that one. But this one you have to get. What's God's first name?" "Oh, that was easy. It's Andy." "ANDY?" "Haven't you heard the song? Andy (And He) took me home, Andy gave me strength..Andy carried me over the hill.." Saint Peter shook his head and opened the gate and waved his right arm. "Run Forest, Run." Jack Bauer First Fact:  2. If everyone listened to Jack Bauer, 24 would be called 12. 3. Terrorists dread the day in October that Daylight Savings Time ends. Jack Bauer gets 25 hours in which to kill them. 4. The Dinosaurs laughed at Jack Bauer. Once. 5. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves. 6. There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot. It makes it easier to lose the satellites. 7. Don't ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar. 8. As a boy, Jack Bauer interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the location and contents of each hidden egg. 9. Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... six seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!" 10. Jack Bauer has no friends, because as a child when he would play cops and robbers, the robbers would all be interrogated and killed. 11. Jack Bauer snapped a store clerk in half because he had said "Have a nice day!" Nobody tells Jack Bauer what to do. 12. Jack Bauer doesn't cut his grass, he stares at it and dares it to grow. 13. Jack Bauer's poker face is so good he once won a game of poker with monopoly money, an eight card from Uno, a joker, a visa card, a tissue, and an iPod nano. Jack Bauer can go more than 24 hours without eating or taking a dump. If you doubt this, there is over 6 DVD box sets to back it up. 14. During a trip to Seattle, Jack Bauer heard Grunge music for the first time and thought it sucked. Three days later, Kurt Cobain was dead. 15. Ken Jennings won every game of Jeopardy because he put "Jack Bauer" as the answer to Final Jeopardy, and Jack Bauer is never wrong. 16. Taco Bell used to close at midnight, until Jack Bauer decided he wanted to have burritos at 2 am. 17. Jack Bauer can go on a hunting trip with the Vice President and live. 18. On most Health insurance forms the last question is "Have you now, or ever in your past, made Jack Bauer mad? yes or no. 19. Jack Bauer quit heroin in 24 hours. 20. Jack Bauer does the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle on Saturdays. In pen. 21. There's a reason why getting your car stolen is referred to as being "Jacked." 22. When Jack Bauer opens a pack of Twix there are eight. 23. There are three ways to make the things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. The Jack Bauer way is right, but with a lot violence. 24. If you ever tried to tell Jack Bauer to go to hell, the Devil would silence you before you finished the sentence. |
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Kitm
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May 27 2008, 01:31 PM Post #52 |
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Lava Reef Act 1
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10/10 LOL (btw cap-dude, your custom title is wrong. I'm part Irish.  )Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have? Ted: $10. Teacher: You don't know maths. Ted: You don't know my father! I went into the petrol station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas... ...The attendant farted and gave me a receipt |
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| Lord Talancir D'Landior | May 27 2008, 05:28 PM Post #53 |
~ RP Knight ~
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6/10 meh.... a woman walked into a bakery store and asked the baker, "Do you have any donuts?" "No ma'am, we're out of donuts today, you'll have to come back later." "Oh, ok," says the woman, and leaves the store. Minutes later she comes back again and asks, "I'm really in the mood for some donuts, do you have any?" "No ma'am, we didn't have any prepared today. you'll have to come back later." Oh, ok," says the woman, and leaves the store. Minutes later she comes back again and asks, "Are you sure you don't have any donuts?" "...ok, let me try to explain it to you another way. Do you hear the word 'bat' in battery?" the woman thinks for a second, then says, "Yes, I do hear the word 'bat' in battery." "Ok. Do you hear the word 'dead' in deadly?" the woman thinks for a second, then says, "Yes, I do hear the word 'dead' in deadly." "Ok. Do you hear the word 'fu*k' in donuts?" "What? There's no 'fu*k' in donuts!" "Have a nice day, ma'am." |
 RP Aid: So, you want to be a storyteller? A must read for any Storyteller who wants to be better at his craft. RP Aid: Combat: A Comprehensive Guide to Beating Arse By the way, I'm on skype. Search for talancir. Millstone of Time Resources
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| Hoffman | May 27 2008, 08:38 PM Post #54 |
Guitarist
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6/10. Pretty funny. Two ones I got: 1. Q: What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a scotsman? A: Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa my cloud", and a scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa my you." 2. Q: What does Ginger Baker and Coffee have in common? A: They both suck without Cream. |
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THE HOFFMAN STILL LIVES (MAINLY BECAUSE HE'S DONE UNIVERSITY AND HAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO DURING THE SUMMER) | |
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May 28 2008, 05:17 AM Post #55 |
Lava Reef Act 2
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First one was good. Second one sucked pretty much. Vote in senate today. It was decided if to ban gay marriage. 51 voted "yay", 54 voted "nay", 3 voted "Fabolus". |
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Kitm
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Aug 4 2008, 06:22 PM Post #56 |
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Lava Reef Act 1
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BUMP. I went to casualty yesterday and said to the nurse, "I've been stung by a wasp, have you got anything for it?" The nurse replied, "whereabout's is it?" I said, "I don't know, it'll be sodding miles away by now." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Scott Tissue Guy met the Dow Chemical guy at a party and said to him, "You guys may find substitutes for nearly everything but you will never replace toilet tissue." The next time the Scott guy met the Dow heir at a party the Dow guy gave him a couple of capsules and said: "Take one of these before your next meal and one after." The Scott guy did as instructed and the next time he used the toilet, he was chagrined to discover that his turd was neatly wrapped in plastic... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Blonde: "Last night, I saw a three hour DVD. It was the worst ever. There was no music and there were no scenes." Brunette: "What was it called?" Blonde: "DISC NOT INSERTED." Edited by Kitm, Aug 4 2008, 06:25 PM.
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