Dec 29
EPIC LULZ V3!
I've picked up in mood now - EPIC LULZ V3! For those of you who missed it, here's where the action is!
I've been a part of all three lulz topics now. I'm dreading the day I miss one...
Dec 29
NOT HAPPY.
Explain to me how someone at work only does four shifts, and picks up £138. Then also explain how I worked 8 shifts and pick up £133. Tax can't be a factor in this, surely.
Oh, new avatar. I was gonna talk about how my artwork's improved lately but instead thought it a sweet idea to rant again. MOD AM NOT HAPPY.
Dec 05
Long enough to irritate shit out of Venny.
So, another day another entry.
A slight problem looms on my horizon - I've run out of the happy pills I've been taking for the last month, and my doctor is on holiday for a week.
Couple that with my recent net problems and you might imagine I've got another rough ride ahead of me. Since I performed a virus scan on my machine, I've had extremely erratic connectivity - strangely enough, I can log onto the net for about 30 seconds. Long enough to irritate shit out of Venny. But then that's it for about half hour.
I use my mum's computer, I'm fine. But I'm suspecting it's a router problem and not my computer... how our connection works is like this: the 10mb broadband goes into mum's modem. The Ethernet then runs into my wireless router, so i can access the net without a twenty meter long cable - seriously, my room is miles from hers. A cable just isn't an option - as much as I'd like one, I'm not tripping over it every single time I need to leave my room.
So you're wondering how then, I know the router is the problem? Well I took the e-net cable from the router and plugged it directly into my mum's computer. If I run it normally, the modem plugs into the wireless router then a different cable runs from that to my mum's PC. However the internet wasn't working there either, so I isolated the router. Voilą, MoD has internet back. But only on his mum's computer.
To make double sure, I'm going to fire up my net browser for my DS and try to access the net that way.
Nov 30
Life is unbelievably... yeah
Watching: Coupling - series 2
Reading: Archie Sonic comics
Listening to: If I tell you, you'll stab me
Mood: Meh
I guess it's time to give my fellow blasters an update on the life of MoD.
First, there's apparently a lot of demand for me to change my name back to Master of Darkness. I don't entirely feel like it if I'm honest, it's a symbol of the past and I'd like it kept there. Perhaps if my perspective on life changes and I feel like I've conquered this depression thing, then I can rename myself - but only then.
So how am I coping after one month on the happy pills?
The short answer: not very well. They're causing more problems than they're solving - my sleep is badly affected, and I'm extremely lethargic(very tired, lacking in energy). This is having a knock-on affect on my job. I've been told off more times in the last month than I have in the last 12 months, and it's because of the stupid **Bleep**ing pills.
I've already mentioned how I feel numb to the world, now factor in this on top and you might argue that I have a good case to get my medication changed. I'm certainly going to discuss it with the doctor some time this week.
In a way, this is why I've kept away. My usual bluntness was turning into outright flaming and that just wasn't a good situation to be in. A week or two out from the net, and I spent that time rebuilding IRL friendships as best I can. It worked to a degree.
But any time I have had on the net has been on eve. And now I've gotten the best mining vessel in the game, I've got to think about what I want to do. I sure as hell don't want to go down the combat route, maybe I'll build things instead. Hmm... that, and working on my evasion skills. My Hulk is insanely bulky, slow and ponderous - a couple of new skills would allow me to throw it about a little bit more.
In good news, I went on a shopping spree yesterday. Spent about £200 on DVD's, clothes, and a fantastic beer hat. Y'know, put cans in either side of it, attach to straws and then your head, and there you go. I've wanted one since I saw Homer drinking Duff from it years ago.
I also have a new shirt that I'm going to show off in the Post Your Pic thread, all I'll say is that this is MY town now!
I should also take a pic of me in my work uniform, I think it suits me quite nicely...
Anyways. Some positives, but on the whole life is unbelievably... yeah. You get the idea...
Nov 19
Detached From Reality
First off a reply to Avii's comment in the previous entry: OMG the dead cheerleader returns!
Now, the entry proper. The first two weeks of anti-depressant hell is over, leaving me feeling.... hollow, empty... numb. I feel nothing, pretty much. I'm feeling lethargic and brain-dead. Kinda like I've been turned into a zombie.
I want to get angry. I want to be happy. But instead I just float through each day, not caring about shit. It's slightly annoying if I'm honest, and I can't believe I'm more bothered by the fact I don't get wound up, as opposed to the fact a friend of mine slept with the girl I fancy. Took her home with a big smile on his face. I want to hate him, but I can't.
Then, I figured, screw it. She obviously doesn't like me so why hang on for someone who doesn't care about your feelings? Word has it she pulled him in particular to get to me, which just makes her even less worth bothering with.
So whilst I think my mate is kinda a jerk, I just think pffft. He wants her, she's her own girl. Life's too short.
I hope y'all are getting the idea. MoD isn't having a great time... but he's not having a bad time either.
It'd be nice to go out on the piss with my friends and want to go dance in a drunken stupor, but then I didn't get drunk. I drank enough, FFS. Again, something I want to be bugged by but it bugs me more that I'm NOT bugged.
This in a way relates to my quietness on the forums. Nothing here excites me currently, and it's no reflection whatsoever on the current activity levels or any kind of fun and games that might be going on. It's completely down to my mind set and the fact that I'm detached from reality. Bloody relabelled prozac.
I'd like to be more active with O-XIII. I want to get the final round going in the Tournament. I should jump onto MSN and say hi to peeps that I've not spoken to in what feels like forever.
Bit difficult to when reality is a fuzzy warm blur.
Well, I've got some things to look forward to and try to get excited about. I'm going to see the Circus of Horrors(Google it), I've got a shopping trip in Birmingham planned and it's my 26th birthday coming up in under a month.
Here's hoping I come up again, as opposed to this zombie-like state.
Nov 05
Mood: not great...
Well, today's had two... no, make that three, events of note-worthy mention.
First, I got diagnosed with depression finally. They've given me some sort of anti-depressant that will make me feel like shit for two weeks, then will apparently perk me up. Supposedly, I have to take these for 6 months. Lovely. Two weeks of acting like an a-hole is a small price to pay, to fix my head.
Secondly, I had to disqualify Avii and Bliz from the Tag Team Terror. I was not happy about that, not one bit. But it had to be done; Talancir was worried about breaking that rule and I told him what to do to cover both his ass, and his partner's. The absence rule has been widely discussed over the course of this tournament, but this is the first time I've had to play it on people I can genuinely call friends. The first tournament it had been used to eliminate people, but I'd only been here a couple of months than and hadn't had time to build any kind of rapport with anyone, certainly not on the level I have with Bliz. Sure, we don't talk on MSN(or AIM as I believe she prefers) but it sucks to say to two people I actually like "Sorry guys, but you're out".
It blows, quite badly. But I can't let them carry on after enforcing them on Talancir... so one hand I've stopped two great roleplayers from potentially winning(c'mon - whoever won their fight was going to have a great chance in the final. Tal's fantastic but his partner is weak) the tourney, especially at such a late stage of events. On the other the rules are there for a reason, to ensure fairness is there for one and all.
And thirdly, and one that put a slight smile on my face, I discovered a UK English dictionary for Firefox 3.0 and upwards. AT LAST, I can spell shit properly and not be told the S is meant to be a Z! Pronounced Zed not Zee...
Nov 01
OMG NEW NAME??
Yep, ever since February I've been Master of Darkness, or MoD to my friends.
Then at the beginning of Halloween I redubbed myself Rouge X Darkness, with an idea in my head that I wasn't going to go back to MoD - at least, not on here anyways. Might still have it on MSN...
So now, in case you hadn't seen, I'm E-123. Kinda shiny, huh?Not entirely sure what make me go for that one in particular... oh well!
Nov 01
So what does MoD ACTUALLY DO?
Well as I'm sat here, I have work in roughly 7 and a half hours... I should sleep, but for some reason I find I can't...
This has been a problem for the last few months. I've got a rough idea what the problem is, and I've got a doctor's appointment on Wednesday to see what he can help me with.
Oh, for those of you that aren't aware, I work as a chef in a tenpin bowling alley. We try to market ourselves as an upmarket, family environment and charge for food, drink, bowling and Quasar/LASER accordingly. As in, astronomically high. And charge the staff minimum wage, and work them into the ground.
My job is extremely annoying... I consider myself a glorified microwave technician as opposed to a genuine chef. I've never trained as one at college, never gotten any certificates other than the basic food hygiene one. And yet I've been there for a year, flipping burgers and creating all manner of 'finger food' and other crap.
It pays my bills, I can't complain too much.
The hours are long, boring or frantic and many - this week alone, I'll be on 54 hours. And I'll be taking home about £180... I'm being ripped off horribly.
So why not look for another job, I hear y'all cry? Well I'm going to. One that pays, and one that gifts me back my social life.
See, I've been working in my kitchen for a year now. My shifts are extremely erratic, and I don't get to see my IRL friends as a result. When I first started I was constantly being phoned up to find out when I'm free - only to give them a "I don't know" response. Over 12 months I'm lucky if I get one call a week and I struggle to get through £10 credit a month.
My previous job, now that was fun. I spent five years as a forklift truck driver in a warehouse, making £240 for 39 hours pay - easily. The work was laid back yet physically demanding, and I enjoyed it.
But I quit because I couldn't cope with my ex-girlfriend telling everyone what she told them.
And even now, that's eating at my life. I've grown rather attracted to a pretty 19 year old at work called Sally. Word has it she likes me too - but I won't do a thing about it, because... well, my confidence has been shattered, utterly thrown out the window.
Sal-Gal walks into the kitchen to say hi, and instead of being perky back like I usually am I clam up with a stupid, cheesy grin on my face. I'm 25 yet act like I'm back in school, and was one step away from doing the ultimate school thing: asking a friend to ask her.
BUT NO.
Anyways. I'd really like to make a go of something with Sal-Gal. She's funny, has a cute face, and has the best arse I've seen in a long time. That and for some reason, I am completely and utterly attracted to her - the X factor that we all look for; that extra bit of chemistry with someone.
A spark.
It's been a very long time since I felt this way about anyone, and yet I'm keeping myself firmly on the leash because I'm scared of being burnt quite badly.
Hopefully, this will be sorted on Wednesday. See, here's the punchline to the entire entry I guess. Working at the bowling alley, I have crap work colleagues and even worse managers. They're mostly dicks that refuse to listen when I've got a problem.
My social life is non-existent as a result of working there all the time.
My family life is non-existent, but that's of my choosing and a completely different entry altogether
All I do is wake up, go to work, and then sit on my arse on this forum, or playing EVE, or playing on whatever console is hooked up next to the PC... When I finish work, my mates are all in bed. I can socialise with the Americans that live on SB, but it's not the same as going to the pub and having a nice pint with someone I can look at and be a cock-end to.
This - and the **Bleep** of an ex falsely accusing me of rape - has led me to finally admit defeat in my two-year long battle with depression. I've got no will to get up in the morning, no desire to be happy any more. The Master of Darkness has succumbed and he feels very weak for it. Embracing the darkness sure worked for a while, but I need this sorting out before I go down the "CUT-CUT-CUT" route. I've never felt suicidal or like self-harming and I'd prefer it to stay that way.
So, Wednesday. I'm going to the doctor's to see what he can do to help.
Tis why I'm searching for a new name. I'm no longer worthy of my self-appointed alias; I couldn't master darkness. I don't enjoy it any more.
Jul 15
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
I have entrusted myself with the task of finding out who the Secret Police are ^^ why? Well, it gives me something to do I suppose. That and I'm enjoying doing Hades impressions.
Hey, heyhey, how ya doin' shorty? Looking good I see? Well whatever, lets cut to the chase shall we? You sign life away here, you get big rewards in exchange for your soul once you die, right?
Yep, crappy.
Wish Jase would hurry up AND APPROVE MY WIKI ACCOUNT so's I can slap my own page up
 1:36 PM Jan 6
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