Feb 12
Why Feb. 11th Was The Worst Day Ever
Well let's see.
I woke up for school after getting 5.5 hours of sleep.
Had to deal with the usual retards in my school for 3 class periods.
Then had to stay for almost an hour after I was supposed to leave school to work on this retarded binder project in English.
Then when I got to leave school, I had to go to Walgreens to pick up some stuff.
There, my card was declined because my father borrowed $215 without telling me.
Then I had to go allllll the way the hell across town to the clinic for a supply refill, but when I got there, they were closed for lunch. I went back outside, and my dad had left to go get pizza. They had locked the doors, so I had to wait outside for 24 minutes in the windy, blistery cold until my dad got back.
Then when he got back he just made a little stupid joke instead of apologizing for taking so goddamn long.
So I never got what I even went there in the first place for.
Then when I got home, I was so hungry that I ate like 2000 calories, demolishing my diet for the day.
Then I tried to take a little nap, by my mother woke me up with a 2-page (front and back) essay on how to ride the bus to work and tried explaining it all to me.
When I finally managed to resume my nap, 15 minutes before my alarm was gonna wake me up, one of my bosses calls me to let me know that they are getting butt raped up at the store and needed me to go help immediately. I jump out of bed and rush up there, getting crap about it from my dad the whole goddamn way, and by the time I get there 15 minutes later, it's not even busy anymore. Luckily my dad started being good-natured by then.
Then I had to stay until midnight, but I was only clocked in until 10.
Then my co-worker friend forced me to go to his house afterwards to talk to his friend, whom I kinda like. But by now it was damn near one and I had school in the morning. Luckily we all had a good time chillin', playing video games and watching youtube videos. So I finally get up to leave at 2 am, and his friend is all like "Dude we made it official!"
Me: "Uhmmm..."
So like it or not, I now have a mothereffin boyfriend. WTF. I didn't ask for this shit.
Oh it gets better.
So I get home and my mom is shitty because I didn't call or text her to let her know where I was. Whatever, I didn't care. Oh and then I find out that I can't go to school the next morning because I have to stay home and watch my unbelievably bratty little sisters who got suspended from school. But I made a deal with my government teacher that if I come to school all 4 days this week then on Friday he'd let me make up 3 quizzes that I failed because I was ill-prepared. Well looks like that shit's flushed down the toilet. Thanks alot, bratty misbehaving little sisters.
I also find out that my dad never told my mother that he borrowed $215 from me, even though she was the one who was expected to pay it back. And my mother is bipolar and hates me half the time, so I could very well be out $215 if she wakes up on the wrong side of the bed tomorrow.
Oh and I also find out that my dad got arrested, 1 day before he was going to court to be tried for contempt of court, so he is definitely staying in jail. So my family's income is now missing a substantial chunk, and my mother is terrible at managing money so we're basically screwed.
Oh and the officials handling my brother's case said that because of this, my little brother can't come home if my father is still living with us.
And now my mother has to choose between her husband and my little brother.
So either way, I lose a member of my famiy for good. Pretty sure it's gonna be my dad. Which sucks because he is never bipolar like my mother, and was the only thing keeping me from getting kicked out of my house when my mother went on one of her rampages. So any day now I could be kicked out on the street with nada. Can't wait for that.
Oh and this morning I woke up with a sore throat, feeling like absolute 100% crap. So add "sick" to that list.
Then I had to call off work because there's no way I can go in dealing with all this and feeling like this, so my check will be missing 4 hours. I was only scheduled 2 days. Luckily I got called in Sat, Sun, and Mon. But still. It's not like I can afford to be missing days of work in the winter. Especially not now.
Oh and I GUESS we can also add the fact that I lost a friend on here because he's a disrespectful troll who totally made a fight in the Shack but I got blamed for it. Of course.
So bottomline, I see no reasons to live anymore. Basically. And I'm going to lay in my bed until I die and never see the light of day ever again.
Thank you for your time.
~KC
Oct 29
I'm Feelin Pretty Good About Myself Pt. 1
Hey guys! Long time no see. So I decided to celebrate my random and sudden return from a 4-month hiatus by posting a new blog entry. Yea! *huzzah*
Okay, as the blog title suggests, I am feeling pretty darn good about myself. This may confuse some of you as it is a far cry from my previous blog entry; which was so dark and morbid that I literally could not sit there and read through it. I am sincerely sorry for that ya'll.
Anyhoo, I only have 15 minutes before I have to leave for work, so this may be kinda short. Let's see, where to begin. Ah yes, my summer.
Summer started out pretty fricken sweet. I was working 5 nights a week, 5-12:30 every night. This was tiring and got old fast, however the fat ass checks most certainly did NOT.
I was utterly and disgustingly in love with my boyfriend, whom I spent every second of my free time with.
And then he dumped me early July. Oooh boy did that put a damper on my summer. His reasoning? I was "too good for him" and he "wasn't happy anymore". Well screw you too, *******, I'm gonna party!
Hahahahahaha yeah... Unfortunately it didn't start out that way. I was depressed beyond words at first. Severely upset. In about 2 more blog posts I'll explain the terrible journey I had to take in order to take my life back.
Anyways I finally managed to pull my face out of the dirt and get back on my feet with the help of a few true friends, great parties, and, as ashamed as I am to say it (not really)... alcohol.
At these parties were great friends and great drinks. It helped me become more social and outgoing, as well as meet new people and become happy again. No I haven't managed to get in a new relationship yet. But with my new found social status, party life and confidence, I'm finally able to be happy on my own. Happy ending!
Well guys, I'll have to end it here. I still have time (being theaward-winning speed typer that I am), but I think for now a short, conclusive summary of my summer 2012 will suffice for now.
If all goes accordingly, I will post 1 more blog entry tonight. I can promise at least 1 entry a week IF I decide to stay at Sonic Blast (see my return post).
Love to all,
~K the Spectacular C
Feb 9
Life Can Be Tiring, Huh?
Oh man, you guys.
I've been doing some serious thinking lately. In general, I've been thinking about my life.
My life. What is my life? I could take a philosophical view on it, or a literal view, or a sarcastic and sardonic view.
But I don't want to look at it any specific way. My goal is simple-- to see where I'm headed in life, and what I'm worth.
That's really all it boils down to.
I have been seriously, clincally depressed a few times in my lifetime. And only then have I known complete and utter darkness and hopelessness. It's awful, really, when you experience depression, no matter how long or how short.
But that's not what this blog entry is about. I'm not here to talk about depression today. And for that I am thankful.
I'm not depressed. I haven't been depressed for months, and I'm both proud and happy to make that claim. Oh goodness, thank you Lord for taking that awful depression away from me. Being constantly sad is Hell. Frankly, it is damnation.
Anyways, I said I wasn't here to talk about depression, and I'm not.
I haven't been depressed lately, per se. However, I haven't been happy, either.
I didn't think there was such a thing? Is there such a thing as being unhappy, yet not being depressed? I guess you could say I'm sad. But really, there are other adjectives that better describe how I'm feeling.
For instance, I could say that I'm feeling dissatisfied. Restless. Inferior.
All of these, among others, are completely true.
Let me delve into these a little deeper.
I feel dissatisfied with my life. Mainly because I'm halfway done with my junior year of high school, and I have nothing to show for it. I know I'm smart. So do a lot of other people. But I don't have any exceptional academic awards to show for it. I am extremely athletic, and play a ton of school sports, but I haven't beaten any records. And my attendence is literally disgusting. I'm STILL making up missed hours from LAST semester.
A lot of my friends are posting countless Facebook statuses about how everyone they know, their friends, their family, and themselves, are getting countless college acceptance letters in the mail. They say it's because the economy sucks so bad, colleges NEED money, so they're sending letters to anyone who's even slightly eligible.
Makes perfect sense to me. However, the economy must not suck THAT badly. Because I have not received a single letter.
I feel like I'm never going to get into college. But you know what? I'll save that for the next blog entry, mmkay?
Moving on.
Now, as to why i feel restless, this one is a tad more complicated.
I suppose I just feel restless because technically, about a sixth of my life is already down the drain, and I have nothing to show for it except for awesome hair, incredibly toned legs, and barely 3 books in an 11-book series I am supposed to be done writing in 4 years. I started it 7 years ago.
I guess my problem is, I was fully expecting to be famous right now. I want to be a famous kid. And the time of my life where I can be called a kid is slowly draining. So what do I do? I want the world to know my name. That's my dream. But right now, barely half the kids in my school know my name. A few dozen more know me by various nicknames or clever monikers such as "Weird Girl", "Catwoman", or "Hey you!"
Not only that, but i guess it just goes back to the whole incompetent thing I got going on. I got big dreams, but I feel like I'm not qualified or able to accomplish any of them.
It's not just me talking down on myself. It's like my inner persona just repeatedly chanting "You can't. You can't. You can't."
And I'm starting to believe her.
Well you guys, in an effort to condense this blog entry as short as possible and retain as much of your attention as possible, I shall be ending it here.
Comments welcome.
Peace out my lovelies.
--KittyCakes
Jan 9
This Time, I'm So Serious
Okay, wtf?
Once again, i have found myself anonymously dumped.
What does anonymously dumped mean?
Simple.
Its the term applied when your significant other decides to stand you up, ignore you, and not text or call you back. It's like theyre dropping hint after obvious hint.
And they think that shit is funny.
What ticks me off the most is perhaps the fact that i was just beginning to form a bond with him. I confided in him a lot of stuff; and only now do i realize i shouldntve trusted him. This is terrible! Its like he did it on purpose..
Well, i was really upset before, and still am, a little. But needless to say, im over it now.
The worst part? I work with them. Yepp. Theyre a co-worker. Yikes.
Oh, and i'd like to clarify that i did NOTHING to cause him to dump me like that.
In fact, i actually defended this person to my mother, who completely bashed him. She called him ugly and a retard (which i didnt think was true, but now im not feeling too nice), and i made her give him a chance.
He's a high school drop-out who's been working at this same fast food restaurant for years. He is far from a hottie and definitely not the sharpest toole in the toole box. HOWEVER, at one time i thought he was super sweet and nice, and he really liked me.
So i gave him a chance, and gave him every benefit of every doubt. I convinced my mother to give him a chance. I explained his situation to her and she started feeling sympathetic towards him. So she started treating.him like one of her own, offering to get him a better job, offering to help him get his GED (he's 4 years older than me) and offering to make him dinner and just basically looking out for him.
And me? I was just as supportive. I always lauded him and told him he's smarter than he gave himself credit for. I told him how happy he made me. I let him smoke with my little brothers, despite my protests. I spent New Years with him and my best friend of 7 years.
I trusted that low-life cock-sucking loser.
I tried to be a good girl for him, but, as usual, for some reason i just wasnt good enough.
It wouldnt suck so much if this was the first time something like this had happened. Unfortunately, this ALWAYS happens to me.
Ive always wondered why. Why? Ive been told im pretty, sometimes even beautiful or gorgeous (but idk). I know im smart. I have lots of talents and hobbies (martial arts, writing, singing, songwriting, flute for 7 years, rugby, track, i have a job, etc). I have a good amount of quality friends who all like me. I try to be a good Samaritan all the time.
So just WHAT exactly is it about me that makes it so guys never stick around?
Is it because i have no ass? :p
I have the personality to make up for it.
Although, i can be a little coarse and tom-boyish at times. But its never that bad. Its not as if i just, like, have gas attacks in public or check other girls out, cus i dont xP
Hmmm....
Well, until i figure it out... True to the title of this blog, i am officially FINISHED trying to find a relatioship. Screw guys. Screw love. Im solo-dolo from.here on out, and i dont mind it one bit. I'll adopt children when im older, if neccessary.
Peace, love, lots of hugs.
~K and add a C to it
Oct 14
Happy Happy B-Day To Me
As you all could tell from my previous post, the people I used to hang around were not exactly good people.
In fact, they were very bad people.
But ive finally cleansed my life of them, gotten on the right track, and started anew.
New friends, new choices, new attitude, and nothing is bad like it used to be.
Also, it is indeed my 17 birthday today. Im so excited!
*cue "Seventeen" from REPO: The Genetic Opera* (love that movie!)
I have plans to go with my best friend and....new friend to the mall. Hopefully those plans actually get carried out! And tomorrow im going to a scream park. Oh me oh my! Im so exciiiiiiiiited. The hoooorrrrrrorrrr! ~(0o0)~
Also, im curious as to what my parents got me for a gift. im guessing nothing, but it never hurts to hope!
Alrighty guys, I gotta get ready for school. Love yall.
Bye bye~
Oct 5
"We're Going To Take You Off Life Support"
They think I cant hear them. But I can. Theyre being lazy. Too lazy to look and see Im clearly still alive. Ive taken away from their busy lives, their happy occurances marred by my presence.
They didnt realize the responsibility they would have to take on just by coming to visit me, just by acknowledging me.
"Why do you keep doing this and doing that?"
"You know what? No more chances."
"You're done."
"We're taking you off life support..."
"What? Why?"
"...Because youre ruining our fun."
"Who let you guys in here?"
"Good-bye."
"No, don't."
I'm afraid this is a true story. I was right there to witness it. It's the reason I just cant sleep at night anymore.
Im too young to have to make decisions like that.
Sep 27
I Have 5 Words For You...
What. The. Hell. Dude?!?!?!?!?!?!?! (counted the several punctuation marks as a word since there are so many.)
So I've been going through a really rough time in my life for awhile. Im not afraid to admit it. But what i WONT admit are the solid details.... Except to a select few. My close, trusted friends on SB.
So theyre cool about it. Theyre supportive. But theyre CHILDISH. And i'll tell you why.
I started out with just ONE friend knowing. And they know who they twinkle twinkle little are.
So tell me why, all of a sudden EVERYBODY AND THEIR FREAKN MOMS KNOW ALL MY BUSINESS? And I mean ALLLL of it, down to the deepest secret?
Seriously, Talk About Raunchy.
You just cant trust ANYONE. Not a single person.
And what's their excuse? Oh thats right. Well heres a little newsflash for you:
JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE MY FRIENDS TOO, DOESNT MEAN I WANT YOU TO MAKE IT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO GO BEHIND MY BACK AND TELL ALL MY BUSINESS BECAUSE YOU FELT YOU HAD TO.
I cannot believe this. You think you have friends, and they stab you in the back. Too bad I handed them the knife, technically.
This will not be happening again.
Sep 9
I Guess Thats It
Lots of us have experienced a heart break or heartache. There are a few lucky people who are fortunate enough to never have to feel that and for some, the heartache stops soon after the end of the relationship.
But when it gets prolonged and drawn out by the other persons actions.... They are so bipolar. One minute they love you and theyre telling you they cant get you out of their head. The next minute they hate you and theyre ignoring you until you cry.
Of course im talking about me and another person here.
I really dont know how to handle this. This is a rollercoaster of emotions, and I want off.
Just wanted to get this off my chest.
Bye bye~
Aug 25
My day so far
Today was pretty cool. I woke up, i hadnt had the best night so i wasnt feeling good. But i decided to give the day a shot anyways.
Im supposed to be starting school today, but because of a transcripts issue, i cant. Im starting on Monday. Im not looking forward to going. There are a couple boys there who want to jump me, Im not sure if I can take them all at the same time. Im kinda small. And a girl. Oh well, maybe I can hide behind a vending machine.
I got my hair dyed last night. Shit cost me $60 bucks. Didn't even turn out how i wanted it to. But i still like it. Its very cool.
I had a doctors appointment this morning. I was running a little late. My dad was supposed to take me. i came downstairs, ready to go. All of a sudden, my dad slams his heavy ass book on the ground and starts screaming at me, calling me irresponsible and lazy. (All the while, im 16 and have a job, he's 30-something and does not.)
Then he tells me he's not taking me to my doctor's appointment, and to "get my ass upstairs". So I go, and as Im passing, he takes a swing at my head with his book! This is like a big hardcover effin novel, i kid you not.
It broke the clip, holding my hair back, in pieces. I just bought that clip the other night. It was like a glittery dark orange colour. I liked it. It was good quality too, freakin $5 though. For a hair clip
Of course all my mother says is "Sorry he needs more sleep." *double face palm*
So, Im probably going to get ignored again. You guys dont know the whole story with that but with each entry you'll find out more, or at least, that's the plan.
Like, basically, I have this friend. Who's like more than a friend. Buuut he has more mood swings than a pregnant cow and he's picky as hell. He has severe anger issues and whenever he gets angry at me or I bug him (which is like, every other day at minimum) his favourite cool down activity is to ignore yours truly. Delete texts, send calls to voicemail, the whole shebang. He gets some kind of sick twisted enjoyment out of this, and quite frankly I dont know why I put up with it.
*shrug* Maybe he's on to something.
Oh, well, that's all that's happened today.
Bye bye.
 7:38 PM Jul 24
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