Feb 6
Rant: Questions I've asked my self today.
[NOTE: I'm making this blog more or less to vent. You don't really have to answer any questions I ask in it.]
Every thing you did that I didn't get,
you'd say "You'll understand when you're older."
Well, I'm older now,
but why don't I understand?
-
Is it just me, or is it that every time I try to be serious, try to be concerned for the world, I end up coming off as an arrogant asshole? Maybe I'd be better off not worrying about things like that, and just dropping my serious side altogether. It's not really ever gotten me anywhere. But would dropping my serious side mean I can't do what I like to do so much, writing? Could I still drop it but find a way to maintain that interest? Maybe dropping a serious side, any concern for the world not immediately affected by me, would be just the same as allowing myself to become ignorant, completely aloof, and useless to the world? What exactly is the right thing to do? I've always tried so hard to do what I thought was right, but maybe what I think is right is actually wrong. Maybe right and wrong don't really mean anything. Do they? I don't know. Doing the right thing hasn't ever gotten me anywhere. Not to say I would ever do the right thing out of hopes for obtaining some reward for it, but I've never gotten anything at all to show for doing the right thing. I rarely get to see the results of doing the right thing, never see who is affected positively. Maybe that doesn't matter? Maybe I should continue trying my best regardless? Or should I stop trying so hard? Maybe this world really is the shithole everyone around me says it is, and there's no point trying to correct society or the government or humanity as a whole. Is there? What can I do? What can one man do? I can't seem to get anyone to want to join me. Every time I try to do so, they disagree, or give me some indication that I've come off too strong or assertive. Can you be too strong or assertive? Or is that just my social awkwardness shining through? Will I ever really get rid of that social awkwardness, or will it forever stay with me? I thought I was making such good progress in getting rid of it...
Where was I? I don't remember. Probably doesn't matter. Going back on things that I've already thought about that I didn't like thinking about can't be good no matter how many times I think about it.
Right?
-
You ever know that feeling, when up is down?
No?
Well, I know it too well.
Up is down,
left is right,
right is wrong,
wrong is wrong,
everything's wrong.
How do I do something right?
Have I ever done anything right?
-
Can funny exist without seriousness?
Like, how,
light cannot exist without the dark?
If I try to bury this part of me that I hate,
Would it inadvertently remove what I love?
Would I lose the ability to love?
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 5:04 PM Jul 24
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