Kale's Blog of Ranting and other Assorted Foolishness.

Confusion

I feel like an obese infant on an emotional tightrope. On one side, a pitch black void that will envelope my entire being if I fall in that side, causing me to never see the right I do and always the wrong. On the other side, a different void awaits me. I see all the right I do and never the wrong, and assume that everyone who says that I could even conceivably do something wrong is fucking stupid and worthless. This of course leads to loneliness that I would claim not to feel.

But when I manage to obtain an equilibrium on that tightrope, even for a short time, I am happy. I neither hate myself nor do I hate everyone else. A relatively sane time. It's very hard to keep my balance on that tightrope, but I have seen what awaits me on the other side of the chasm, and every period of balance I achieve brings me close, and gives me more hope that crossing isn't impossible. I've seen what awaits me in the people around me: they've already achieved it, as it would seem, and I've seen all the good it's done in their lives.

So on I continue, fueled by that hope.

(That wasn't really fucking melodramatic at all. Whatevs, posting it anyway. |P)

1. Comment by Silv™, Oct 5 2011, 07:27 PM

   I like this idea you have of this fight for equilibrium. It does really make sense, though in a general sense I wouldn't think of it as a tight rope, just a sidewalk. You can lean right into the goodie-two-shoes isle or you can slip left into the bad-boy ******* section. It makes sense, and I appreciate you sharing this thought.

2. Add new comment:

   Post Comment