My Ultimate Plan

Life Can Be Tiring, Huh?

Oh man, you guys.

I've been doing some serious thinking lately. In general, I've been thinking about my life.

My life. What is my life? I could take a philosophical view on it, or a literal view, or a sarcastic and sardonic view.

But I don't want to look at it any specific way. My goal is simple-- to see where I'm headed in life, and what I'm worth.

That's really all it boils down to.

I have been seriously, clincally depressed a few times in my lifetime. And only then have I known complete and utter darkness and hopelessness. It's awful, really, when you experience depression, no matter how long or how short.

But that's not what this blog entry is about. I'm not here to talk about depression today. And for that I am thankful.

I'm not depressed. I haven't been depressed for months, and I'm both proud and happy to make that claim. Oh goodness, thank you Lord for taking that awful depression away from me. Being constantly sad is Hell. Frankly, it is damnation.

Anyways, I said I wasn't here to talk about depression, and I'm not.

I haven't been depressed lately, per se. However, I haven't been happy, either.

I didn't think there was such a thing? Is there such a thing as being unhappy, yet not being depressed? I guess you could say I'm sad. But really, there are other adjectives that better describe how I'm feeling.

For instance, I could say that I'm feeling dissatisfied. Restless. Inferior.

All of these, among others, are completely true.

Let me delve into these a little deeper.

I feel dissatisfied with my life. Mainly because I'm halfway done with my junior year of high school, and I have nothing to show for it. I know I'm smart. So do a lot of other people. But I don't have any exceptional academic awards to show for it. I am extremely athletic, and play a ton of school sports, but I haven't beaten any records. And my attendence is literally disgusting. I'm STILL making up missed hours from LAST semester.

A lot of my friends are posting countless Facebook statuses about how everyone they know, their friends, their family, and themselves, are getting countless college acceptance letters in the mail. They say it's because the economy sucks so bad, colleges NEED money, so they're sending letters to anyone who's even slightly eligible.

Makes perfect sense to me. However, the economy must not suck THAT badly. Because I have not received a single letter.

I feel like I'm never going to get into college. But you know what? I'll save that for the next blog entry, mmkay?

Moving on.

Now, as to why i feel restless, this one is a tad more complicated.

I suppose I just feel restless because technically, about a sixth of my life is already down the drain, and I have nothing to show for it except for awesome hair, incredibly toned legs, and barely 3 books in an 11-book series I am supposed to be done writing in 4 years. I started it 7 years ago.

I guess my problem is, I was fully expecting to be famous right now. I want to be a famous kid. And the time of my life where I can be called a kid is slowly draining. So what do I do? I want the world to know my name. That's my dream. But right now, barely half the kids in my school know my name. A few dozen more know me by various nicknames or clever monikers such as "Weird Girl", "Catwoman", or "Hey you!"

Not only that, but i guess it just goes back to the whole incompetent thing I got going on. I got big dreams, but I feel like I'm not qualified or able to accomplish any of them.

It's not just me talking down on myself. It's like my inner persona just repeatedly chanting "You can't. You can't. You can't."

And I'm starting to believe her.

Well you guys, in an effort to condense this blog entry as short as possible and retain as much of your attention as possible, I shall be ending it here.

Comments welcome.

Peace out my lovelies.

--KittyCakes

1. Comment by L Dragon, Feb 9 2012, 06:13 PM

   I believe I should of posted in your blogs a long while ago, however I forget blogs even exist. Anyways, I suppose me and you aren't so different. I' talking about wanting to be well known. I mean, when I was in high school I was in one of the plays. I did my part, was a good act to many, and I got recognition. However, I wasn't shooting for fame, I wanted to do it for two reasons. One, I love acting. its SUPER fun. Two, there was a girl. xD
   
   Putting that aside, I STILL want to be known. However, I don't want to be overly famous. I've come to an understanding that my talents aren't my own, but they belong to God. And using them for my own personal gain will get me no where, cause I've tried it before, and failed. I still write, have a bunch of unfinished books laying around, and I still want to publish these books. However, I don't want to publish them for fame, I simply want to share with the world my thoughts, my creativity, and my passion.
   
   Being well known, even as a kid, isn't what people make it up to be. Everyone knew my name when I was in that play, they would always tell me 'great' things like 'keep it up and you'll make it to Hollywood' Or 'You should do this and go here and become famous.' They didn't understand that I didn't want fame. I wanted the thrill, the joy, and passion of what I was doing. Anyways, going on a little rant here but, I just wish you the best my dear. You'll figure it out soon enough. Just don't give up and keep on truck'n!! ;D

2. Comment by KogaHarine, Feb 13 2012, 03:08 PM

   The best way to make it through life is to always move forward and tell yourself that you can do anything you set your mind to. Life can throw curveballs and fastballs and just about everything (including the kitchen sink) but if you never give up and always try to keep moving forward, even when things look bleak, then you will prevail. The thing about the human mind is that it has limitless potential so long as you make the effort to use it. I mean heck this guy withstood the pain of his own flesh burning simply by overpowering his senses with shear willpower (pain is merely a perception so it is possible to trick your mind into believing that it isn't being harmed at all). If he can do that just imagine what lies ahead.
   
   Also Kitkat you might want to make it to where guests can't post on your blog. They tend to spam it up a lot.

3. Comment by Wallace, Feb 15 2012, 05:17 AM

   First, I'd like to say that just because someone posts something on Facebook doesn't necessarily make it true. |P
   
   Secondly, pretty much what Star said. If you know what you want, work towards it, and KNOW that you will get it. There's no way you can fail if you believe in yourself.

4. Comment by Breakfast Princess, Feb 17 2012, 06:40 PM

   (Note: Not only do i not know how to restrict guests from posting comments, but i rarely check the comments that it doesn't really affect me. However, that is a sound bit of advice, and i should start doing that, as well as checking the comments more often.)
   
   Okay, anyways.
   
   I just wanna start by saying, awww thank you guys so much! All your positive commentary and supportive things that you say really helped me feel better. When i was writing this blog entry, i was feeling really down about everything concerning my school career and my career after high school. But we just did scheduling for next year (my senior year) and i only need 2 1/2 credits to graduate, so that was a morale booster.
   
   And i've been lazy about going to school and i haven't been going much lately... my grades have been slipping when i used to boast a 3.7 GPA... Basically, i feel like i'm just losing my touch.
   
   But I have recently discovered that thinking positively and just tricking myself into believing that it isn't as bad as it is in reality, then i feel better.
   
   However, whenever i utilize this method, i find myself wondering whether it's really healthy for me...

5. Comment by KogaHarine, Feb 18 2012, 09:30 PM

   That method is the same one I use. And trust me it is healthy. Like I said your mind is more powerful than you think. Thinking positively and making yourself believe that everything will be okay is very beneficial for your mind and body.
   
   Positive thinking doesn't mean that you keep your head in the sand and ignore life's less pleasant situations. Positive thinking just means that you approach the unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way. You think the best is going to happen, not the worst.
   
   Here's a list of benefits gained through positive thinking:
   
   Increased life span, Lower rates of depression, Lower levels of distress, Greater resistance to the common cold, Better psychological and physical well-being, Reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease, Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress.
   
   And don't let your school life slip. Finish school and go every day. I've met people who never finished school and who are working minimum wage jobs and have been at those jobs for years. The only way to advance in society anymore is to have an education. So go to school and do your best work and you will inevitably succeed in life.

6. Comment by Breakfast Princess, Feb 21 2012, 07:59 AM

   Wow man, thats incredible. Youre really good at peptalks. I'll try to think that way, and I do, most times... But then this happens (look below)
   
   I skipped school again today. Im ashamed, but I just cant stand it! I hate going! And because im never there, people think im stupid, when I used to be called "smartest girl in school". But that was years ago, and now my morale is like this === when it used to be this ==============
   
   Me and my dad were just talking about college last night when he picked me up from work. He still thinks I can get into a college with a dorm! Pah! I'll be lucky to get into National College, the campus that's the size of my bedroom.
   
   I WANT to go to University of Notre Dame. But theyll never take me. If I dont get in, my life is ruined.

7. Comment by KogaHarine, Feb 23 2012, 08:41 PM

   Eh it just comes naturally to me. My peptalks tend to just be off the top of my head.
   
   Don't say never. Your schoolwork might be slipping but there is still time to get it back in order. Don't make the mistake of slacking off and quitting school. Remember you can do anything you set your mind to. If you want to go to UND then work your ass off and don't worry what others think. And do it, don't just say you'll do it. Take action and believe in yourself.
   
   Again I want to stress not to let your peers get to you. If they want to make fun of you then ignore them. A bully is only a bully if they have someone they can pick on. If you show that it doesn't bother you then they will eventually leave you alone. This is how I got through school. Believe me I went through hell all the way up till High School (mind you I kinda earned it looking back. Man was I an odd kid lol). However there is one key thing to remember. There are some idiots who may think that they can mess with you till you snap. You will snap and you will more than likely beat the ever-loving shit out of them. IF this happens you do it at a location that won't get you in trouble with the school. Personally I make noses bleed and that's why people stopped picking fights with me. They knew I didn't feel like dealing with a drawn out fight so I would send them to the nurses office in a bloody mess.
   
   Again you don't know until you try. Take things as they come and just go with it. If you get an assignment do it as soon as possible. If you have a test coming up, study beforehand. If you get frustrated take a few deep breathes and just relax for a moment. If your depressed don't let it affect your work. If you angry find ways to release it in a constructive manner. Most of this is just common sense but you get the idea. Just roll with the punches and go with the flow. Life is so much easier that way and at times it is okay to take risks but do so when you know they have a high percent chance of being pulled off.

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